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It’s Your Man Or...Your Girlfriend?
I recently noticed a very scary pattern, and I’m wondering what is causing it. I’ve noticed that women are a bit lost and confused as to what kind of partner they want to have by thei...

Should I Dump Him?
I was just sitting in the sauna at my gym last week, and I couldn’t help but overheard the conversation of two women around my age (even though I was trying very hard to focus on the guys in spe...

We all pretend it’s normal…
We all pretend that life in NY is normal. Just today I had the day off, which isn’t usually for a Thursday, and I decided to go to the gym before noon. I got on a train at 10am and...

What If I Told You That You Can Have a Different Life?
I know I will sound very naïve now, but I had a recent revelation I would like to share with you. I started thinking about the choices we make and why we actually make them. Those who have rea...

Poor Rich Kids
I have mentioned money in NYC on Just Like NY a few times already. There is a lot of money here, and people spend lots of it on a variety of weird and stupid things sometimes....

Do You Want To Be Famous?
Because I’ve been living here for almost five years now, I tend to forget what kind of place NYC is. It’s where fantasy keeps meeting reality. The longer you live here, the more “...

Double Standard – Why Are Women Treated Differently?
I had a situation that I wrote about on Facebook, but I want to write more about it, because there is more to it.  So there was a guy, a customer of mine who I had met maybe three times, who&n...

Why Having a Boyfriend Will Not Make You Happy?
When I was a teenage girl (that is one week ago… just kidding), my biggest dream was to have a boyfriend. Especially since a weekly column called “Love Story” from “Bravo&r...

What Happens Once You Stop Caring If People Like You?
What happens once you stop caring if people like you…? It’s simple – your life starts changing. Yes, it’s that huge. One day I realized that it happened to me – that ...

Men and Sex
What is it that men want when it comes to sex…? The thing is: they want to have everything. Including a virgin. That’s the funniest part. I didn’t have a lot of sex in my life (c...

The Most Annoying American Family
I must say, I’m so fed up with these fake images and fake lives that are all over social media now. And there is one family that makes me especially angry. You’ve p...

Step 53 - Do You Have A Choice?
I believe I have already written about what I am about to say in this post, but I’ll be coming back to the subject, because it’s really important. I notice more and more often that we ge...

Step 52 - Don’t Assume (Or In Another Words, Don’t Judge)

added: 2018-02-12 , category: Transform Yourself

We’re all guilty of it. We judge. And even if you say or think that you don’t, I have bad news for you – yes, you do. We all classify people based on our knowledge of them. This knowledge usually comes from TV, or things we see online. They rarely come from what we’ve actually experienced. I myself was very judgmental when I came to the US, simply because I grew up in the society that judges, especially if you have a skin color other than white and if you’re not Catholic. When I think of certain sentences that have come out of my mouth, I’m ashamed. I keep working on myself, on how I see and treat other people. I know that I’ve changed a lot here and am very open minded right now. Yet still, my main goal for 2018 is to not be judgmental. 


There is one sad thing that I’ve realized; it’s very difficult for people to stop being narrow-minded if they don’t leave their own country and live in a different culture for a bit. This definitely applies to New Yorkers. They’re surrounded by nearly all the other cultures of the world, but since they’ve never lived anywhere outside NY, this isn’t enough for them to be less judgmental. You have to expose yourself to different surrounding, people who you normally don’t hang out with, people from different religious and social backgrounds. That’s the only way to see what other cultures are about. I’ve learned in NY – sometimes the hard way – that I don’t know much. I’ve met people from Mexico, India, Eastern Europe, Burkina Faso, Bangladesh, the US, the Philippines and Guatemala, and some of them have become my closest friends here. We couldn’t be more different, but that didn’t stop us from becoming our own NY family. That’s been my biggest lesson in NY, learning to ask. I used to assume that I knew a person just because we were from the same country. Now I realize this was very stupid of me. This became clear when one of the girls I know said to me once, “Oh, this girl who does my eyebrows is Polish. You should meet her, you’ll become friends.” I looked at her and asked, “Why? Because we’re both Polish?” Even though I felt that her thought process was stupid, I realized that sometimes mine was the same. In reality, the chances of me and this Polish girl becoming friends are the same as the chances of me becoming friends with someone from Ecuador, France or Egypt. There is simply no definitive pattern for things like that. People constantly assume so many things just because they think they know. For instance, people are constantly asking me if my favorite alcohol is vodka, just because I’m from Poland. (I actually hate vodka.) Or they keep saying that I probably like the winter we’re having, because it’s similar to the one we have in my country. (I fucking hate this weather and no – winters in Poland are not always full of snow.) 


What I’m trying to say, and what my advice to you is, is that when you meet someone for the first time, ask them what they think, ask them what it’s like in their country, ask them if it’s really like you’ve heard it is. Please don’t say stupid things like, “Oh, you’re from Mexico, do you get wasted on tequila every weekend and are tacos your favorite food?” Perhaps some of them do get wasted on tequila, and for some of them tacos really are the best food out there, but that doesn’t mean those things are true for EVERYONE. Questions like those don’t show your knowledge. In fact, it’s quite the opposite – they only exposes your ignorance. And ignorance is a very bad trait to have.


Even when you’re having a discussion with a friend or a partner whom you’ve known for a long time – ask him or her what they think; don’t assume you know something just because you’ve known each other for a long time. Yes, you have some knowledge about this person, but remember – we change over time, and some things can even change over night. So please – before you state your opinion or offer advice, ask first. It will really help you to know this person better, and more importantly, this person will connect with you right away, because you’re showing them that you care, and don’t just assume.



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