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Step 53 - Do You Have A Choice?
I believe I have already written about what I am about to say in this post, but I’ll be coming back to the subject, because it’s really important. I notice more and more often that we ge...

Step 52 - Don’t Assume (Or In Another Words, Don’t Judge)
We’re all guilty of it. We judge. And even if you say or think that you don’t, I have bad news for you – yes, you do. We all classify people based on our knowledge of the...

Stereotypes. Have Enough Class To Not Say Anything
I wrote about stereotypes already, but the longer I live here, the more I see that not much is changing in this matter. Living in NY will help you learn more about other cultures, but it doesn&rsq...

What’s My Health Plan For 2018?
I want to share with you my health plan for this year. I don’t know if it works out. I will be experimenting and see what would work for me – and what would be the results in December 20...

Americans’ Dirty Secret
It’s a very difficult topic, but since I really want to write about it, I’m now taking a risk. I’ve been living here for almost five years – and if I combined that period wit...

My Jobs in NY
I wrote about jobs in New York already – about how I believe that there is no job that you should be ashamed of. Let me tell you about my job experience here in a bit more detail. As soon as...

Why You Shouldn’t Fall In Love Too Quickly
I just watched Matthew Hussey’s new video (I wrote about Matthew already on Just Like NY) and I haven’t been watching any recently, but when I saw this title “Four Dangerous Reason...

Step 51 - What Should Be Your Main 2018 Goal?
Some people hesitate to set any New Year goals and resolution for themselves; they just find them stupid. I can understand that. But then some others – like me – take them seriously, be...

I Can’t Help Women if They Don’t Want to Help Themselves
Ladies, I can’t cope with you. I really can’t, not anymore. I keep hearing women complaining about men. They complain how badly men treat them, how terribly guys behave towards them, wha...

How To Say Goodbye To the Old Year?
My goodbye to the year that has just ended usually takes on a form of a few hour session with myself. What I usually do is I take my list of goals I set for myself at the beginning of the year to di...

What Does It Mean To Be a True Gentleman
One of my male friends sent me an article arguing that chivalry is not dead and that there are true gentlemen out there who would “make us melt”. The article presented us with 9 things t...

How do I conquer fear?
Fear rules our lives, whether you want to admit it or not. All of your decisions are based on fear. All of your choices are rooted in your fears. You don’t apply for a j...

Step 52 - Don’t Assume (Or In Another Words, Don’t Judge)

added: 2018-02-12 , category: Transform Yourself

We’re all guilty of it. We judge. And even if you say or think that you don’t, I have bad news for you – yes, you do. We all classify people based on our knowledge of them. This knowledge usually comes from TV, or things we see online. They rarely come from what we’ve actually experienced. I myself was very judgmental when I came to the US, simply because I grew up in the society that judges, especially if you have a skin color other than white and if you’re not Catholic. When I think of certain sentences that have come out of my mouth, I’m ashamed. I keep working on myself, on how I see and treat other people. I know that I’ve changed a lot here and am very open minded right now. Yet still, my main goal for 2018 is to not be judgmental. 


There is one sad thing that I’ve realized; it’s very difficult for people to stop being narrow-minded if they don’t leave their own country and live in a different culture for a bit. This definitely applies to New Yorkers. They’re surrounded by nearly all the other cultures of the world, but since they’ve never lived anywhere outside NY, this isn’t enough for them to be less judgmental. You have to expose yourself to different surrounding, people who you normally don’t hang out with, people from different religious and social backgrounds. That’s the only way to see what other cultures are about. I’ve learned in NY – sometimes the hard way – that I don’t know much. I’ve met people from Mexico, India, Eastern Europe, Burkina Faso, Bangladesh, the US, the Philippines and Guatemala, and some of them have become my closest friends here. We couldn’t be more different, but that didn’t stop us from becoming our own NY family. That’s been my biggest lesson in NY, learning to ask. I used to assume that I knew a person just because we were from the same country. Now I realize this was very stupid of me. This became clear when one of the girls I know said to me once, “Oh, this girl who does my eyebrows is Polish. You should meet her, you’ll become friends.” I looked at her and asked, “Why? Because we’re both Polish?” Even though I felt that her thought process was stupid, I realized that sometimes mine was the same. In reality, the chances of me and this Polish girl becoming friends are the same as the chances of me becoming friends with someone from Ecuador, France or Egypt. There is simply no definitive pattern for things like that. People constantly assume so many things just because they think they know. For instance, people are constantly asking me if my favorite alcohol is vodka, just because I’m from Poland. (I actually hate vodka.) Or they keep saying that I probably like the winter we’re having, because it’s similar to the one we have in my country. (I fucking hate this weather and no – winters in Poland are not always full of snow.) 


What I’m trying to say, and what my advice to you is, is that when you meet someone for the first time, ask them what they think, ask them what it’s like in their country, ask them if it’s really like you’ve heard it is. Please don’t say stupid things like, “Oh, you’re from Mexico, do you get wasted on tequila every weekend and are tacos your favorite food?” Perhaps some of them do get wasted on tequila, and for some of them tacos really are the best food out there, but that doesn’t mean those things are true for EVERYONE. Questions like those don’t show your knowledge. In fact, it’s quite the opposite – they only exposes your ignorance. And ignorance is a very bad trait to have.


Even when you’re having a discussion with a friend or a partner whom you’ve known for a long time – ask him or her what they think; don’t assume you know something just because you’ve known each other for a long time. Yes, you have some knowledge about this person, but remember – we change over time, and some things can even change over night. So please – before you state your opinion or offer advice, ask first. It will really help you to know this person better, and more importantly, this person will connect with you right away, because you’re showing them that you care, and don’t just assume.



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