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Don’t judge by the chapter you walked into.
It’s a new year, so I want you to change one thing. I would say “we,” but I’ve already been working on it the last two years (not that I’ve mastered it yet). Don’...

Why Some Women Don’t Want to Have Kids (And Why the Reason Is Not What You Think It Is)
Yes, I want to write about it (again), because it bothers me. I recently realized I don’t want to have kids (now and maybe ever). And I realized how difficult it is for a woman not only to adm...

You’re Fine
2018 has been a very successful year for me, because I finally understand that I’m completely fine. I just look at myself and I finally see myself. It took me half my life to understand it, bu...

It’s Profound to Be Understood
As Whoopi Goldberg said in her book „If He Says: ‚You complete me’ — Run!”, which I’ve already written about on JLNY some time ago, people tend to mistake love fo...

You’re Always Becoming
Michelle Obama released her book memoir, „Becoming”, and I keep seeing it everywhere in NYC. I haven’t read it yet and now I really want to. Not because I consider Barack Obam...

Drop This Attitude
I just had my best friend Gosia visited me from Chicago a few weeks ago. We spent the whole weekend together excited about each other. We did a few activities, but what was the most important was th...

Is Your Partner’s Skin Color or Country of Origin Relevant At All?
I will answer the titular question right away: „I don’t think so”. And I’m pretty sure I am right. I honestly don’t understand this whole theory about having a partner ...

How To Get the Body You Want
Have you ever said to yourself: “I’m so fat”…? Or “I can’t even look at myself”…?. Or “I will never lose all this weight”…? Or &l...

Accept the challenge
Until now, my favorite sentence was always: “Hope he’ll change after we get married.” (Yeah,  sure, into a pumpkin…) But there is a new contender that I find equally ...

NY Love Story A.D. 2019
I don’t like romantic comedies. And I can tell you why. Once, it used to be my favorite genre, but I grew up since then (a bit). Also — I moved to NY. Romantic comedies just don’t ...

When Was the Last Time Your Journal Embarrassed You?
When was the last time you said to yourself: “This is embarrassing”, and you actually meant yourself…? Well, it just happened to me. I sat down to write about something else and I...

Why It’s Important To Not Look Like Shit
Here is my question: Why do you think it’s a good idea to look like shit at home? Some people put on their worst clothes at home - clothes with holes, stretched out, worn out, old and ugly. (B...

I Can’t Help Women if They Don’t Want to Help Themselves

added: 2018-01-10 , category: Transform Yourself

Ladies, I can’t cope with you. I really can’t, not anymore. I keep hearing women complaining about men. They complain how badly men treat them, how terribly guys behave towards them, what they expect from guys, etc. And I would love to help all of those women, but I just can’t – because they just don’t want to be help.

I have written about this a few times on Just Like NY – I have this theory that you know who you’re dealing with from the very beginning. There are certain types of behavior in a guy that are there since day one. And girl, don’t bullshit me you don’t see them. What you do, is you simply look the other way, hoping that they’ll be gone after a while.  And even if you don’t see them (I still don’t believe you don’t!), just ask your friends. Introduce your guy to your closest friends and ask them their opinion. But, hey: LISTEN TO WHAT THEY SAY. They know you better than you’d think. They will notice if you’re treated with the respect you deserve. Ask them and LISTEN. It doesn’t mean that only because your friends say something,  you should be immediately breaking up with the guy , but you MUST talk to him and ask him to change the behavior you don’t like. If you don’t speak up now, you’re just stupid. Why am I being so harsh…? Because you set a trap for yourself. You pretend that this thing doesn’t bother you, when in fact it makes you really unhappy. And what happens is, you’ll be miserable and you’ll explode one day. And he’ll be confused, because you knew those things about him from the beginning and you never said anything. And he’ll be angry at you now – and he has every right to be, because you suddenly want him to change.

I just simply DON’T GET IT. Why don’t you speak up at the beginning? Why…? Please explain it to me, because I really don’t understand. Your need to be with someone is so strong that you’re ready to sacrifice yourself…? For what…? Just for the sake of someone being there? How about the fact that this someone doesn’t even know you? Not to mention the fact that he doesn’t make you happy!  

I know you all will say – it’s not that easy. I don’t agree with you again, it’s the opposite – it is very easy. You simply say: Listen, I really didn’t like the way you talked to me / I didn’t like what you said yesterday / I didn’t like the way you treated me last week. Say it right away, especially at the beginning of your relationship, when you’re still not that involved and your heart and head are still pretty clear. The longer you wait, the more difficult it will get.

It happens so often that I’m just really amazed. All women follow the same pattern – all of them. You have to understand one thing – you get exactly what you agree on. You AGREED on the way he is treating you right now, so why do you even complain? How am I suppose to help you now? You did it to yourself, girl. You failed, because you didn’t set clear standards for your relationship from the beginning.

The main problem is that I know very well most of you will not even listen to me. No matter how hard I will try to explain it to you, how many books or articles I would recommend (or write), I just know you won’t do it. You will set another trap for yourself, you will find excuses for him and wait for him to change (I fucking hate this attitude!). Yeah, feel free to do it. And then wake up with tears in your eyes and go to bed with the same tears, because you didn’t get the life you deserved. It’s not that you didn’t get it. YOU didn’t give it to yourself. Blame yourself this time. Please, be brave to speak up when it’s not too late yet. Because I truly believe that you really deserve the life you want. But you also have to believe in that – and that might be the most difficult step for you to make. It so happens it’s also the single most important one. 



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