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Don’t judge by the chapter you walked into.
It’s a new year, so I want you to change one thing. I would say “we,” but I’ve already been working on it the last two years (not that I’ve mastered it yet). Don’...

Why Some Women Don’t Want to Have Kids (And Why the Reason Is Not What You Think It Is)
Yes, I want to write about it (again), because it bothers me. I recently realized I don’t want to have kids (now and maybe ever). And I realized how difficult it is for a woman not only to adm...

You’re Fine
2018 has been a very successful year for me, because I finally understand that I’m completely fine. I just look at myself and I finally see myself. It took me half my life to understand it, bu...

It’s Profound to Be Understood
As Whoopi Goldberg said in her book „If He Says: ‚You complete me’ — Run!”, which I’ve already written about on JLNY some time ago, people tend to mistake love fo...

You’re Always Becoming
Michelle Obama released her book memoir, „Becoming”, and I keep seeing it everywhere in NYC. I haven’t read it yet and now I really want to. Not because I consider Barack Obam...

Drop This Attitude
I just had my best friend Gosia visited me from Chicago a few weeks ago. We spent the whole weekend together excited about each other. We did a few activities, but what was the most important was th...

Is Your Partner’s Skin Color or Country of Origin Relevant At All?
I will answer the titular question right away: „I don’t think so”. And I’m pretty sure I am right. I honestly don’t understand this whole theory about having a partner ...

How To Get the Body You Want
Have you ever said to yourself: “I’m so fat”…? Or “I can’t even look at myself”…?. Or “I will never lose all this weight”…? Or &l...

Accept the challenge
Until now, my favorite sentence was always: “Hope he’ll change after we get married.” (Yeah,  sure, into a pumpkin…) But there is a new contender that I find equally ...

NY Love Story A.D. 2019
I don’t like romantic comedies. And I can tell you why. Once, it used to be my favorite genre, but I grew up since then (a bit). Also — I moved to NY. Romantic comedies just don’t ...

When Was the Last Time Your Journal Embarrassed You?
When was the last time you said to yourself: “This is embarrassing”, and you actually meant yourself…? Well, it just happened to me. I sat down to write about something else and I...

Why It’s Important To Not Look Like Shit
Here is my question: Why do you think it’s a good idea to look like shit at home? Some people put on their worst clothes at home - clothes with holes, stretched out, worn out, old and ugly. (B...

How To Say Goodbye To the Old Year?

added: 2018-01-08 , category: Transform Yourself

My goodbye to the year that has just ended usually takes on a form of a few hour session with myself. What I usually do is I take my list of goals I set for myself at the beginning of the year to discover what was occupying my head back then and what I was able to accomplish. I usually also check the same list every month to see if I’m doing any progress, but the final week of the year is the perfect time for me to sit down and to do the actual summary of what went right and what didn’t exactly go as I wanted it to.

Why is it important to do just that when January hits? Because I firmly believe in letting go and starting off fresh. And you can’t start fresh if you still haven’t dealt with the past. Close your year before you enter a new one. And by closing your year I don’t mean sitting down and beating yourself up for everything you weren’t able to achieve, or for the things you actually fucked up. What I’m saying is: simply reflect on what happened to you and whom you have become. I’m sure you made many mistakes – it’s good , it means that you’re still a human being (which is not a given nowadays), but I believe you also made some progress. Forget your fuck-ups for a second and tell me: what are you proud of? What are your small victories? What can you celebrate yourself for?

I have this weird quality (and I’m not saying it’s something I’m proud of; this is simply how I am), namely I don’t come back to the past. I just treat it as a checklist – I look at it, scan it, write down what I have to improve and that’s it. And it’s the last time I look at it, because I erase it right after that. I know this makes me sound like a machine, but this is how my brain works. It’s a good thing and it’s a bad thing. I wouldn’t trade it though, because at least I’m not stuck in the past. And you have no idea how many bad things comes from a simple fact that you are constantly thinking about what already happened. How do you expect to move forward if one of your legs (and your entire head) is stuck in the past? There is this great sentence I read recently: „Once you put down one foot, you have to lift your second foot to start moving”. You can’t pretend you’re moving forward if one of your feet is still firmly on the ground – and by the ground, I mean the past.

Here is what you should do: sit down, reflect, write down the essentials to work on and let it go. It’s done; you can’t change it, you can’t influence it anymore. But what you can influence is your future. Why don’t you focus on that…? You have all the power out there, you’re the creator of your future, you can shape it any way you want to. Why you choose to hold on to what already has happened…? That’s something I never understood. We like to think that others are the reason why we fail. No. Usually you’re the reason why you fail. And one of the things you do is cry over your mistakes instead of making a clear plan on how to avoid them in the future. You might have failed in a relationship, a friendship; you might have even made a huge mistake with your money or you failed at being there for your family in the past year. We all have something to cry over, but one very smart question to ask is this – will it help you make your situation better…? And whatever that was, I can easily answer that: No, it will not. So do yourself a favor and write down what you want to work on (it could be only one thing) and then… forgive yourself. Can you do that? Can you simply forgive yourself? You have to in order to move forward. No, you’re weren’t perfect, but you know what? No one is (believe me – no one really is), so just forgive yourself, cry if you have to and move on. You’re good, even if you weren’t the best version of yourself. Remember – put the foot down, but then lift the second one up, too… Then repeat. Before you know it, you’ll be moving forward.



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