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Don’t judge by the chapter you walked into.
It’s a new year, so I want you to change one thing. I would say “we,” but I’ve already been working on it the last two years (not that I’ve mastered it yet). Don’...

Why Some Women Don’t Want to Have Kids (And Why the Reason Is Not What You Think It Is)
Yes, I want to write about it (again), because it bothers me. I recently realized I don’t want to have kids (now and maybe ever). And I realized how difficult it is for a woman not only to adm...

You’re Fine
2018 has been a very successful year for me, because I finally understand that I’m completely fine. I just look at myself and I finally see myself. It took me half my life to understand it, bu...

It’s Profound to Be Understood
As Whoopi Goldberg said in her book „If He Says: ‚You complete me’ — Run!”, which I’ve already written about on JLNY some time ago, people tend to mistake love fo...

You’re Always Becoming
Michelle Obama released her book memoir, „Becoming”, and I keep seeing it everywhere in NYC. I haven’t read it yet and now I really want to. Not because I consider Barack Obam...

Drop This Attitude
I just had my best friend Gosia visited me from Chicago a few weeks ago. We spent the whole weekend together excited about each other. We did a few activities, but what was the most important was th...

Is Your Partner’s Skin Color or Country of Origin Relevant At All?
I will answer the titular question right away: „I don’t think so”. And I’m pretty sure I am right. I honestly don’t understand this whole theory about having a partner ...

How To Get the Body You Want
Have you ever said to yourself: “I’m so fat”…? Or “I can’t even look at myself”…?. Or “I will never lose all this weight”…? Or &l...

Accept the challenge
Until now, my favorite sentence was always: “Hope he’ll change after we get married.” (Yeah,  sure, into a pumpkin…) But there is a new contender that I find equally ...

NY Love Story A.D. 2019
I don’t like romantic comedies. And I can tell you why. Once, it used to be my favorite genre, but I grew up since then (a bit). Also — I moved to NY. Romantic comedies just don’t ...

When Was the Last Time Your Journal Embarrassed You?
When was the last time you said to yourself: “This is embarrassing”, and you actually meant yourself…? Well, it just happened to me. I sat down to write about something else and I...

Why It’s Important To Not Look Like Shit
Here is my question: Why do you think it’s a good idea to look like shit at home? Some people put on their worst clothes at home - clothes with holes, stretched out, worn out, old and ugly. (B...

“I’m Not…”…? I say It’s Bullshit

added: 2017-11-29 , category: Transform Yourself

I think that many people have no idea how important it is to pay attention the words you use. I believe I have written about that on Just Like NY already, but it’s important to keep talking about it.

I really do believe that your words matter, and I’m not talking only about your opinions. I’m talking about the words you say on daily basis. People say things like “I’m fat”, “I’m poor”, “I’ll be single forever”, all the time thinking that these words don’t carry any weight. I want you to understand that they really do matter. How do you expect to lose your weight if you keep saying that “you’ll be fat forever” or that you “hate your body”? As long as you say you’ll be fat forever, I believe that you really will stay that way. This is how you set your mind and this is where your mind is going now. It has no desire to make you skinny, since you don’t even want it.

What I hear a lot recently (or maybe it was always there it just I started paying attention to it), is: “I am not…”. The rest of the sentence varies for each of us. “I’m not a vegetable person”, “I’m not an athlete”, “I’m not a skinny type”, “I’m not that talented”, “I’m not going to be rich”. And you know what? You won’t, since you defined yourself this way. I’m not saying that all it takes is to say the opposite and you’d become it, but saying stupid things like that is definitely not helping you. I have a feeling that sometimes we don’t even want to try. We like to define ourselves somehow and we get attached to what we created in our heads so much that we start believing that this is who we really are. And every attempt of any change meets our fear, because it’s against what’s in our head already.

Did you notice that every time you say to someone the opposite of what she or he says, they just get defensive right away? This is when I know I hit the right spot. And this is when I know that I’m right and that it’ll be very difficult for this person to change it. To make something clear – I get defensive, too, but at least now I know what that means (and it doesn’t mean I’ll change it the next day).

I will try to encourage you to pay attention to what you’re saying. You don’t believe me? Listen to yourself carefully for a couple of days. Listen to your own words. And every time you say: “I’m not…”, try to remember that (or write it down). And after a few days sit down and think about the statements you keep saying to yourself. Then have an honest conversation with yourself. Ask yourself if these statements are true or are they there just to protect you. Are they real or are they made of your fears? Because sometimes you create them simply to have an excuse not to change something that should be changed. You’re too afraid or too lazy to make necessary changes. You know that they will improve your life, but you also know that they require a lot of work, work that you don’t want to put into it.

I know it’s difficult, believe me. I do, I have a few “I’m not…” on my own list, too, and I’m still struggling with taking control over them, but at least I learned to stop uttering them out loud. And it’s the first, very important step. As soon as you realize what it is that you keep telling yourself, try to stop talking about that. Just don’t talk about it. The second step is – ask yourself why did you come up with that idea? What are you protecting so much? (I clearly know what I want to protect).Talking to a friend can help, too. But to a real friend who is not afraid to tell you the truth. Talk about it, I bet your friend knows you better than you think.

Why is it important? Because sometimes you don’t even realize that you put yourself in the position you’re in right now. And you do it only with your own words. Only you are responsible for where you are right now and most of the times it’s because of your thinking of yourself. Saying things out loud is your way to assure yourself that “this is who I am”, even if you’re not most of the times. The third step is - start saying the opposite. It will make you laugh at the beginning, or it will make your face looks weird, because you would be thinking: “what the f* I’m talking about?”, but you’ll start getting use to that after a while. Saying the opposite out loud will rewire your brain and will help you build new notions of yourself. It’s a lot of work, but it’s so worth it. Once you get yourself out of your old mindset, you start to create a new, better one. And this will set you free, because you will finally start being who you truly are. And that will set your entire life on a different level. 


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