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Step 51 - What Should Be Your Main 2018 Goal?
Some people hesitate to set any New Year goals and resolution for themselves; they just find them stupid. I can understand that. But then some others – like me – take them seriously, be...

I Can’t Help Women if They Don’t Want to Help Themselves
Ladies, I can’t cope with you. I really can’t, not anymore. I keep hearing women complaining about men. They complain how badly men treat them, how terribly guys behave towards them, wha...

How To Say Goodbye To the Old Year?
My goodbye to the year that has just ended usually takes on a form of a few hour session with myself. What I usually do is I take my list of goals I set for myself at the beginning of the year to di...

What Does It Mean To Be a True Gentleman
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How do I conquer fear?
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Step 51- What does it take for you to understand what it’s all about?
I just finished Tim Ferriss’ book, “Tribe of Mentors,” and one of the people featured in his book is a woman named Turia Pitt. I haven’t looked up every p...

Step 50 - Slow Down (Daga). Speed Detox
I just had a few days off. And I was so excited about these days off that I have been coming up with different ideas on how to spend them. I had new ideas almost every day before that week finall...

What changed in me after Tony Robbins’ workshops?
  In March 2016, I attended Tony Robbins’ Unleash the Power workshops. I wasn’t going to write about it at all, since I didn’t know what people would think, ...

When I know you’re not a New Yorker?
  I think I’m becoming an expert at recognizing real New Yorkers. What do I mean by that? I love watching people, taking notice of their behaviors and habits. That means I watch New Yo...

“I’m Not…”…? I say It’s Bullshit
I think that many people have no idea how important it is to pay attention the words you use. I believe I have written about that on Just Like NY already, but it’s important to keep talking abo...

Body – dangerous field
This is a difficult topic, but I still want to write about it: body and body image. We all know how the media treats our bodies and what kind of body image is presented to us. I’ve written about...

Step 49 - What’s Your Next Step After You’ve Failed?
My spinning instructor keeps saying: “It’s not important what you do when you’re strong; the most important thing is what you do when you have no strength at all”. And every...

“I’m Not…”…? I say It’s Bullshit

added: 2017-11-29 , category: Transform Yourself

I think that many people have no idea how important it is to pay attention the words you use. I believe I have written about that on Just Like NY already, but it’s important to keep talking about it.

I really do believe that your words matter, and I’m not talking only about your opinions. I’m talking about the words you say on daily basis. People say things like “I’m fat”, “I’m poor”, “I’ll be single forever”, all the time thinking that these words don’t carry any weight. I want you to understand that they really do matter. How do you expect to lose your weight if you keep saying that “you’ll be fat forever” or that you “hate your body”? As long as you say you’ll be fat forever, I believe that you really will stay that way. This is how you set your mind and this is where your mind is going now. It has no desire to make you skinny, since you don’t even want it.

What I hear a lot recently (or maybe it was always there it just I started paying attention to it), is: “I am not…”. The rest of the sentence varies for each of us. “I’m not a vegetable person”, “I’m not an athlete”, “I’m not a skinny type”, “I’m not that talented”, “I’m not going to be rich”. And you know what? You won’t, since you defined yourself this way. I’m not saying that all it takes is to say the opposite and you’d become it, but saying stupid things like that is definitely not helping you. I have a feeling that sometimes we don’t even want to try. We like to define ourselves somehow and we get attached to what we created in our heads so much that we start believing that this is who we really are. And every attempt of any change meets our fear, because it’s against what’s in our head already.

Did you notice that every time you say to someone the opposite of what she or he says, they just get defensive right away? This is when I know I hit the right spot. And this is when I know that I’m right and that it’ll be very difficult for this person to change it. To make something clear – I get defensive, too, but at least now I know what that means (and it doesn’t mean I’ll change it the next day).

I will try to encourage you to pay attention to what you’re saying. You don’t believe me? Listen to yourself carefully for a couple of days. Listen to your own words. And every time you say: “I’m not…”, try to remember that (or write it down). And after a few days sit down and think about the statements you keep saying to yourself. Then have an honest conversation with yourself. Ask yourself if these statements are true or are they there just to protect you. Are they real or are they made of your fears? Because sometimes you create them simply to have an excuse not to change something that should be changed. You’re too afraid or too lazy to make necessary changes. You know that they will improve your life, but you also know that they require a lot of work, work that you don’t want to put into it.

I know it’s difficult, believe me. I do, I have a few “I’m not…” on my own list, too, and I’m still struggling with taking control over them, but at least I learned to stop uttering them out loud. And it’s the first, very important step. As soon as you realize what it is that you keep telling yourself, try to stop talking about that. Just don’t talk about it. The second step is – ask yourself why did you come up with that idea? What are you protecting so much? (I clearly know what I want to protect).Talking to a friend can help, too. But to a real friend who is not afraid to tell you the truth. Talk about it, I bet your friend knows you better than you think.

Why is it important? Because sometimes you don’t even realize that you put yourself in the position you’re in right now. And you do it only with your own words. Only you are responsible for where you are right now and most of the times it’s because of your thinking of yourself. Saying things out loud is your way to assure yourself that “this is who I am”, even if you’re not most of the times. The third step is - start saying the opposite. It will make you laugh at the beginning, or it will make your face looks weird, because you would be thinking: “what the f* I’m talking about?”, but you’ll start getting use to that after a while. Saying the opposite out loud will rewire your brain and will help you build new notions of yourself. It’s a lot of work, but it’s so worth it. Once you get yourself out of your old mindset, you start to create a new, better one. And this will set you free, because you will finally start being who you truly are. And that will set your entire life on a different level. 

 



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