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Don’t judge by the chapter you walked into.
It’s a new year, so I want you to change one thing. I would say “we,” but I’ve already been working on it the last two years (not that I’ve mastered it yet). Don’...

Why Some Women Don’t Want to Have Kids (And Why the Reason Is Not What You Think It Is)
Yes, I want to write about it (again), because it bothers me. I recently realized I don’t want to have kids (now and maybe ever). And I realized how difficult it is for a woman not only to adm...

You’re Fine
2018 has been a very successful year for me, because I finally understand that I’m completely fine. I just look at myself and I finally see myself. It took me half my life to understand it, bu...

It’s Profound to Be Understood
As Whoopi Goldberg said in her book „If He Says: ‚You complete me’ — Run!”, which I’ve already written about on JLNY some time ago, people tend to mistake love fo...

You’re Always Becoming
Michelle Obama released her book memoir, „Becoming”, and I keep seeing it everywhere in NYC. I haven’t read it yet and now I really want to. Not because I consider Barack Obam...

Drop This Attitude
I just had my best friend Gosia visited me from Chicago a few weeks ago. We spent the whole weekend together excited about each other. We did a few activities, but what was the most important was th...

Is Your Partner’s Skin Color or Country of Origin Relevant At All?
I will answer the titular question right away: „I don’t think so”. And I’m pretty sure I am right. I honestly don’t understand this whole theory about having a partner ...

How To Get the Body You Want
Have you ever said to yourself: “I’m so fat”…? Or “I can’t even look at myself”…?. Or “I will never lose all this weight”…? Or &l...

Accept the challenge
Until now, my favorite sentence was always: “Hope he’ll change after we get married.” (Yeah,  sure, into a pumpkin…) But there is a new contender that I find equally ...

NY Love Story A.D. 2019
I don’t like romantic comedies. And I can tell you why. Once, it used to be my favorite genre, but I grew up since then (a bit). Also — I moved to NY. Romantic comedies just don’t ...

When Was the Last Time Your Journal Embarrassed You?
When was the last time you said to yourself: “This is embarrassing”, and you actually meant yourself…? Well, it just happened to me. I sat down to write about something else and I...

Why It’s Important To Not Look Like Shit
Here is my question: Why do you think it’s a good idea to look like shit at home? Some people put on their worst clothes at home - clothes with holes, stretched out, worn out, old and ugly. (B...

Step 49 - What’s Your Next Step After You’ve Failed?

added: 2017-11-24 , category: Transform Yourself

My spinning instructor keeps saying: “It’s not important what you do when you’re strong; the most important thing is what you do when you have no strength at all”. And every time I finish his class (once or twice a week), I keep thinking about this sentence. It’s a very important question. What do you do when you fail? It’s good when we keep the ball rolling, when we’re hyped, when everything is going according to our plan – everything seems so easy then. But what happens when you have this bad day when nothing goes according to your plan? You wanted to work out, eat healthy, send some resumes, complete a few tasks that you keep postponing and… you didn’t do any of that. Instead, you spent a lot of time on social media, eating crap and thinking about your ex-boyfriend (“maybe we should be together, after all?”).  And you did the same thing the next day, and the next day. And you start feeling like a failure. And that’s the worst state you can put yourself into. Once you get yourself in the state like that for a few days (or weeks!), it’s really difficult to get out of it. So what do you do then…?

I get into this state, too (not that often, but it still happens) and I noticed that there are two things that always work for me. One of them is seeing a friend. Not a friend who will start complaining or whining with you – I don’t like friends like that, I don’t need friends like that. Instead, I mean seeing a friend who will put things in a perspective for you. Who will be able to lift you up. Who will listen and give you a decent advice, who will make you feel better about yourself. Friends are always the best remedy. That’s why I find friendships so crucial to one’s life; you have to really take care of them, regardless of your relationship status.

The second thing I do is going out among people. That’s why I love living in NY, because (if you want to), you can be always surrounded with people. Somehow people’s energy and their noise helps me. It distracts my mind from stupid things and puts it back into a right place. Plus, when I’m surrounded with people, there is always something interesting happening. Only yesterday I was in this weird state and I just went to a coffee shop to write and two girls came with a dog (I don’t know why the dog was there, since it’s not allowed, but maybe they had some kind of “service dog” badge that you can easily buy here). Since I was sitting on a couch, the dog jumped next to me and was cuddling with my sweater. Those who know me know that there is nothing else in this world that I love more than dogs. And it just made me happy. A small thing like that can put you in a different state right away.

What also always works for me is a good workout. It changes my thinking and it gives me this extra strength. I’m a huge believer that your body can change your mind. As Tony Robbins says: Motion creates emotion.

Find your way of escaping this miserable state. As soon as it happens to you, do all you have to do to change it. Don’t stay there. I know it’s an easy way out, but don’t do it. I know you really prefer to stay there (I know you do!), but it will just not help you. It will just make things worse. Stay there for a day or two if you have to, but then just take some action to change it. Find you outlet, find things that help you change your reality. Because when reality hits you hard, you have to know how to defend yourself. You can win this battle. You just have to gather your tools and fight for it. Whatever you do - don’t give up upon yourself.

 

 

 

 



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