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“The Top Five Regrets of Dying” - Regret Number Two
I continue my posts about Bronnie Ware “The Top Five Regrets of Dying”, I wrote about regret number five here, four here and three here. The second regret is - I wish I hadn’t w...

“The Top Five Regrets of the Dying” - Regret Number Three
  I continue my posts about Bronnie Ware’s “Five Top Regrets of the Dying”. I wrote about regret number five and four hereand here. The third regret is: &bdquo...

NY Through My Eyes - West Village, October 2018
I started my You Tube series "NY Through My Eyes". My goal is to explore the most interesting NY neighborhoods. I took off with the West Village. More (and better) to come. I'll be talking a...

“The Top Five Regrets of the Dying” - Regret Number Four
I continue my posts about Bronnie Ware’s “Five Top Regrets of the Dying”. I wrote about regret no. 5 here. The fourth regret is: „I wish I stayed in touch with my friend...

Color Factory - Wake Up Your Inner Child
The problem with NY is that we have too much of everything. There are so many events every day that sometimes - or most of the time - you just choose…to stay at home. And that’s exactly...

Your Opinion of Me Is None of My Business
Yeah, I know. The second you hear the sentence I chose for the title of this post, it sounds very cocky to you. It sounds like my self-esteem is sky-rocketing and my ego is bursting at the seams. Bu...

“The Top Five Regrets of the Dying” - Regret Number Five
For some reason, I’ve kept seeing again the list of “The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying” poping up recently all the time. It’s a list created by Bronnie Ware, based on her best- ...

Step 61 - Forget About “Finding Your Passion”
I’ve already written in Just Like NY about “looking for a passion,” but I have a few new thoughts on the subject.  First of all, forget about this trend of “live yo...

Just Let Us Be the Woman We Want To Be
I was recently riding the subway and I looked around as I always do (unless I’m around my period and don’t want to look at anyone). I looked at women this time (it rarely happens, but th...

Breathwork with XPT
    I admire and follow many people on social media – always in search for an inspiration – and whenever I see some of them come to NY, I almost jump up to the sky at the pro...

Make Your Own Choice
I was recently called out on holding a supposedly strongly stance against marriage. Since it happened twice in one month, I feel like something I said was actually lost in translation.  I neve...

What’s the deal with meditation?
I don’t know what it’s like everywhere else, but here in the US, meditation has become very popular, to the point where companies hire teachers to give...

Step 48 - Love People, But Love Yourself More

added: 2017-11-12 , category: Transform Yourself

photo by Janusz Tomczyk wdkproductions.com

I don’t know why people, especially women, keep whining about their age and “getting older”. What I say about myself being now in my 30s…? Hallelujah! I said it already on Just Like NY: a woman’s brain is being born around 30. I love the changes that have been happening inside my head nowadays. There is one that I am particularly happy about – I say “No” more often. Not in general, but when it’s needed the most.

I talked to my two best girlfriends who are the same age and we all got to the same point: we just can’t take some things and situations anymore. We just refuse to agree upon situations that hurt us – or accept people who want to take advantage of us. We were raised (probably because we were girls) to be polite and not to hurt anyone’s feelings. And that’s great, we turned out to be great human beings. But it’s time to finally say: “No”.

I was talking to my friends recently and I said – I just feel like everyone is trying to screw me over. I’m nice at work (I really am; I let people get away with a lot of things as a manager, because I’m trying to be considerate) and still they lie to me or don’t do their job. I’m nice to my roommate and she’s late (three weeks now!) with paying her rent the third month in a row – and this time she didn’t even say a word to warn me. I always try to work around things when my co-workers need a day off, and yet when I asked for one recently, they couldn’t do it for me. When something breaks in my apartment I ask my landlord to fix it and I’m patient, but I after a while I start sounding like a broken record – this is how many times I have to repeat my complaint, because he doesn’t do anything about that.

That’s it! I finally said – No, that’s fucking it! I’m done with agreeing on everything and putting up with all the crap people want to throw my way.

Why am I writing all of this? It’s not a complaint; I just honestly show you how things looks like now. And I want you to rethink a few things. It’s good to be nice to people; it really is. I still will be helpful and will try to make people’s lives easier, but…. Exactly, there is BUT – I will never let people run over me again. Never. Again.

I finally realized that it’s only up to me how I will be treated. I can let people do whatever they want and still be considered nice (read: naïve), or – and that’s my choice for the rest of my life – I will let them do it once, maybe even twice, but the third time around I will simply say: “Stop right there!” Because instead of being considered nice, I prefer to be seen as a person who values herself. Because it’s all about that – when you let people run over you, you just show them what you agree on and you set the level of respect they give you very, very low.

I told you about my situation, but I can bet that you have your own that bothers you just as acutely. Saying “No” is difficult…. but only at the beginning. Once you start doing it and you realize how amazing that feels, it will get easier and at some point it just gets natural. You won’t feel that squeeze in the stomach saying: “Will they still like me when I say No?” Nowadays, I’m more like: “Honey, I’m sorry, you can hate me, but it’s still ‘No’”.

How have I decided to solve my problems? I’m changing my apartment, because I don’t want to put up with all these repairs and roommates anymore – I just handed in my notice; both my landlord and my roommate got a month’s notice from me on the very same day (and on the same day I found a new apartment, better one, without a roommate). I’m changing my job, because I need to work with people who care about their jobs and about each other – I handed my notice this week, too.

But the main change is that I just refuse to agree on mediocre people and situations. I’m worth more than that. I really wish people well; I don’t gossip about people’s lives, I want them to succeed, I root for them, (especially women) to be in shape, have amazing partners and just the life they want. But from now on, I will put myself first, I won’t be a people pleaser just to be popular. I chose my happiness over their approval. And I hope I would inspire you to do the same. Love people, but love yourself more. 



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