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Don’t judge by the chapter you walked into.
It’s a new year, so I want you to change one thing. I would say “we,” but I’ve already been working on it the last two years (not that I’ve mastered it yet). Don’...

Why Some Women Don’t Want to Have Kids (And Why the Reason Is Not What You Think It Is)
Yes, I want to write about it (again), because it bothers me. I recently realized I don’t want to have kids (now and maybe ever). And I realized how difficult it is for a woman not only to adm...

You’re Fine
2018 has been a very successful year for me, because I finally understand that I’m completely fine. I just look at myself and I finally see myself. It took me half my life to understand it, bu...

It’s Profound to Be Understood
As Whoopi Goldberg said in her book „If He Says: ‚You complete me’ — Run!”, which I’ve already written about on JLNY some time ago, people tend to mistake love fo...

You’re Always Becoming
Michelle Obama released her book memoir, „Becoming”, and I keep seeing it everywhere in NYC. I haven’t read it yet and now I really want to. Not because I consider Barack Obam...

Drop This Attitude
I just had my best friend Gosia visited me from Chicago a few weeks ago. We spent the whole weekend together excited about each other. We did a few activities, but what was the most important was th...

Is Your Partner’s Skin Color or Country of Origin Relevant At All?
I will answer the titular question right away: „I don’t think so”. And I’m pretty sure I am right. I honestly don’t understand this whole theory about having a partner ...

How To Get the Body You Want
Have you ever said to yourself: “I’m so fat”…? Or “I can’t even look at myself”…?. Or “I will never lose all this weight”…? Or &l...

Accept the challenge
Until now, my favorite sentence was always: “Hope he’ll change after we get married.” (Yeah,  sure, into a pumpkin…) But there is a new contender that I find equally ...

NY Love Story A.D. 2019
I don’t like romantic comedies. And I can tell you why. Once, it used to be my favorite genre, but I grew up since then (a bit). Also — I moved to NY. Romantic comedies just don’t ...

When Was the Last Time Your Journal Embarrassed You?
When was the last time you said to yourself: “This is embarrassing”, and you actually meant yourself…? Well, it just happened to me. I sat down to write about something else and I...

Why It’s Important To Not Look Like Shit
Here is my question: Why do you think it’s a good idea to look like shit at home? Some people put on their worst clothes at home - clothes with holes, stretched out, worn out, old and ugly. (B...

Step 48 - Love People, But Love Yourself More

added: 2017-11-12 , category: Transform Yourself

photo by Janusz Tomczyk wdkproductions.com

I don’t know why people, especially women, keep whining about their age and “getting older”. What I say about myself being now in my 30s…? Hallelujah! I said it already on Just Like NY: a woman’s brain is being born around 30. I love the changes that have been happening inside my head nowadays. There is one that I am particularly happy about – I say “No” more often. Not in general, but when it’s needed the most.

I talked to my two best girlfriends who are the same age and we all got to the same point: we just can’t take some things and situations anymore. We just refuse to agree upon situations that hurt us – or accept people who want to take advantage of us. We were raised (probably because we were girls) to be polite and not to hurt anyone’s feelings. And that’s great, we turned out to be great human beings. But it’s time to finally say: “No”.

I was talking to my friends recently and I said – I just feel like everyone is trying to screw me over. I’m nice at work (I really am; I let people get away with a lot of things as a manager, because I’m trying to be considerate) and still they lie to me or don’t do their job. I’m nice to my roommate and she’s late (three weeks now!) with paying her rent the third month in a row – and this time she didn’t even say a word to warn me. I always try to work around things when my co-workers need a day off, and yet when I asked for one recently, they couldn’t do it for me. When something breaks in my apartment I ask my landlord to fix it and I’m patient, but I after a while I start sounding like a broken record – this is how many times I have to repeat my complaint, because he doesn’t do anything about that.

That’s it! I finally said – No, that’s fucking it! I’m done with agreeing on everything and putting up with all the crap people want to throw my way.

Why am I writing all of this? It’s not a complaint; I just honestly show you how things looks like now. And I want you to rethink a few things. It’s good to be nice to people; it really is. I still will be helpful and will try to make people’s lives easier, but…. Exactly, there is BUT – I will never let people run over me again. Never. Again.

I finally realized that it’s only up to me how I will be treated. I can let people do whatever they want and still be considered nice (read: naïve), or – and that’s my choice for the rest of my life – I will let them do it once, maybe even twice, but the third time around I will simply say: “Stop right there!” Because instead of being considered nice, I prefer to be seen as a person who values herself. Because it’s all about that – when you let people run over you, you just show them what you agree on and you set the level of respect they give you very, very low.

I told you about my situation, but I can bet that you have your own that bothers you just as acutely. Saying “No” is difficult…. but only at the beginning. Once you start doing it and you realize how amazing that feels, it will get easier and at some point it just gets natural. You won’t feel that squeeze in the stomach saying: “Will they still like me when I say No?” Nowadays, I’m more like: “Honey, I’m sorry, you can hate me, but it’s still ‘No’”.

How have I decided to solve my problems? I’m changing my apartment, because I don’t want to put up with all these repairs and roommates anymore – I just handed in my notice; both my landlord and my roommate got a month’s notice from me on the very same day (and on the same day I found a new apartment, better one, without a roommate). I’m changing my job, because I need to work with people who care about their jobs and about each other – I handed my notice this week, too.

But the main change is that I just refuse to agree on mediocre people and situations. I’m worth more than that. I really wish people well; I don’t gossip about people’s lives, I want them to succeed, I root for them, (especially women) to be in shape, have amazing partners and just the life they want. But from now on, I will put myself first, I won’t be a people pleaser just to be popular. I chose my happiness over their approval. And I hope I would inspire you to do the same. Love people, but love yourself more. 



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