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Step 50 - Slow Down (Daga). Speed Detox
I just had a few days off. And I was so excited about these days off that I have been coming up with different ideas on how to spend them. I had new ideas almost every day before that week finally ...

What changed in me after Tony Robbins’ workshops?
What changed in me after Tony Robbins’ workshops? In March 2016, I attended Tony Robbins’ Unleash the Power workshops. I wasn’t going to write about it at all, sinc...

When I know you’re not a New Yorker?
I think I’m becoming an expert at recognizing real New Yorkers. What do I mean by that? I love watching people, taking notice of their behaviors and habits. That means I watch New Yorkers a lot....

“I’m Not…”…? I say It’s Bullshit
I think that many people have no idea how important it is to pay attention the words you use. I believe I have written about that on Just Like NY already, but it’s important to keep talking abo...

Body – dangerous field
This is a difficult topic, but I still want to write about it: body and body image. We all know how the media treats our bodies and what kind of body image is presented to us. I’ve written about...

Step 49 - What’s Your Next Step After You’ve Failed?
My spinning instructor keeps saying: “It’s not important what you do when you’re strong; the most important thing is what you do when you have no strength at all”. And every...

How to Choose a Partner?
There is a problem with choosing the right guy. Namely: when do you know he is, in fact, right? What is the most important factor? Should you make a list and stick to it? Or is it better to go with...

Why I Don’t Glorify Men Anymore
I’m single, so I meet men here and there, and I’ve noticed one interesting thing that has changed recently. It ...

How About My Ego?
I think of relationships a lot recently, but I reflect even more on what we were taught to think and do when it comes to men. I wrote about Matthew Hussey on Just Like NY already, he’s a relat...

Brooklyn Stories #1
As I said in my previous post, I decided to move out (I lived in my apartment for the past three years) and start fresh in a new neighborhood (I chose Greenpoint, which became a desired neighborho...

Step 48 - Love People, But Love Yourself More
photo by Janusz Tomczyk wdkproductions.com I don’t know why people, especially women, keep whining about their age and “getting older”. What I say about myself being now in my 30s...

The Rapid Change of NY
I went for a walk with my friend on the Lower East Side on Saturday night, and we felt like someone had transported us to another city. We didn’t know where we were or what had ...

Step 48 - Love People, But Love Yourself More

added: 2017-11-12 , category: Transform Yourself

photo by Janusz Tomczyk wdkproductions.com

I don’t know why people, especially women, keep whining about their age and “getting older”. What I say about myself being now in my 30s…? Hallelujah! I said it already on Just Like NY: a woman’s brain is being born around 30. I love the changes that have been happening inside my head nowadays. There is one that I am particularly happy about – I say “No” more often. Not in general, but when it’s needed the most.

I talked to my two best girlfriends who are the same age and we all got to the same point: we just can’t take some things and situations anymore. We just refuse to agree upon situations that hurt us – or accept people who want to take advantage of us. We were raised (probably because we were girls) to be polite and not to hurt anyone’s feelings. And that’s great, we turned out to be great human beings. But it’s time to finally say: “No”.

I was talking to my friends recently and I said – I just feel like everyone is trying to screw me over. I’m nice at work (I really am; I let people get away with a lot of things as a manager, because I’m trying to be considerate) and still they lie to me or don’t do their job. I’m nice to my roommate and she’s late (three weeks now!) with paying her rent the third month in a row – and this time she didn’t even say a word to warn me. I always try to work around things when my co-workers need a day off, and yet when I asked for one recently, they couldn’t do it for me. When something breaks in my apartment I ask my landlord to fix it and I’m patient, but I after a while I start sounding like a broken record – this is how many times I have to repeat my complaint, because he doesn’t do anything about that.

That’s it! I finally said – No, that’s fucking it! I’m done with agreeing on everything and putting up with all the crap people want to throw my way.

Why am I writing all of this? It’s not a complaint; I just honestly show you how things looks like now. And I want you to rethink a few things. It’s good to be nice to people; it really is. I still will be helpful and will try to make people’s lives easier, but…. Exactly, there is BUT – I will never let people run over me again. Never. Again.

I finally realized that it’s only up to me how I will be treated. I can let people do whatever they want and still be considered nice (read: naïve), or – and that’s my choice for the rest of my life – I will let them do it once, maybe even twice, but the third time around I will simply say: “Stop right there!” Because instead of being considered nice, I prefer to be seen as a person who values herself. Because it’s all about that – when you let people run over you, you just show them what you agree on and you set the level of respect they give you very, very low.

I told you about my situation, but I can bet that you have your own that bothers you just as acutely. Saying “No” is difficult…. but only at the beginning. Once you start doing it and you realize how amazing that feels, it will get easier and at some point it just gets natural. You won’t feel that squeeze in the stomach saying: “Will they still like me when I say No?” Nowadays, I’m more like: “Honey, I’m sorry, you can hate me, but it’s still ‘No’”.

How have I decided to solve my problems? I’m changing my apartment, because I don’t want to put up with all these repairs and roommates anymore – I just handed in my notice; both my landlord and my roommate got a month’s notice from me on the very same day (and on the same day I found a new apartment, better one, without a roommate). I’m changing my job, because I need to work with people who care about their jobs and about each other – I handed my notice this week, too.

But the main change is that I just refuse to agree on mediocre people and situations. I’m worth more than that. I really wish people well; I don’t gossip about people’s lives, I want them to succeed, I root for them, (especially women) to be in shape, have amazing partners and just the life they want. But from now on, I will put myself first, I won’t be a people pleaser just to be popular. I chose my happiness over their approval. And I hope I would inspire you to do the same. Love people, but love yourself more. 



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