Just like NY



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Step 61 - Find Your Lifestyle
As I said in one of my recent posts – the world has changed and the way we live has changed. I honestly think it’s time to reevaluate some ideas and solutions about the life we want to l...

Do you even want to get married?
I’ve been thinking a lot about marriage recently (not about my own), because suddenly I spend a lot of time talking to married guys (just as friends). And I started to come...

What Does It Mean To Be Successful? My Five Years In NYC
It’s been five years since I decided to live in NY. These were five difficult years, and yet ones filled many amazing moments and great people I’ve met along the way. But five years i...

Step 60 - What Does It Really Mean To Leave Your Comfort Zone?
“Leaving the comfort zone” became a very common phrase these past few years. It is associated with the idea of breaking free from the life you’ve had so far – with sta...

Choose Your Own Relationship
I’m single so – naturally – I do think about guys and relationships. I’ve been thinking a lot of what type of a guy would actually make me want to be in a relationship. An...

Step 59 - How Many (Facebook) Friends Do You Need?
  I remember when Facebook first came into our lives, we were all kind of proud of the fact that our friend count was growing. The more there is social media in our lives, th...

Step 58 - Are You Able To Let Your Old Self Go?
I’m lucky enough to have a few friends whom I can share my fears, tears and happy moments with. These are friends with whom I can go through any emotional rollercoaster. It’s very...

What’s The Best Dating Advice?
  There are plenty of advisors on the dating scene – there are videos and articles about every aspect of dating, with all these great pieces of advice: “What to do on a date,&rd...

Step 57 - What You Really Need Is A Connection…With Yourself
I lead a life that I didn’t expect to be leading right now. (No, I’m not a princess living in a castle.) Six months ago, I decided not to have internet in my apartment. I have it on my p...

Step 56 - Getting You Off The Hook.
I’ve done some thinking recently and tried to figure out the basic way people come up with an excuse. It’s a broad topic, but I’ve mostly experienced one response from variety o...

Williamsburg Is Over
Summer’s almost here, so I decided to take a walk in Williamsburg, and it just reassured me that… thinks are really over for this neighborhood. I moved to Greenpoint (a sister neighb...

Where is love?
  Love has been on my mind recently (and probably has been unconsciously for a while now) and I started thinking about where to find it. I know it’s a pretty odd thing (...

Step 48 - Love People, But Love Yourself More

added: 2017-11-12 , category: Transform Yourself

photo by Janusz Tomczyk wdkproductions.com

I don’t know why people, especially women, keep whining about their age and “getting older”. What I say about myself being now in my 30s…? Hallelujah! I said it already on Just Like NY: a woman’s brain is being born around 30. I love the changes that have been happening inside my head nowadays. There is one that I am particularly happy about – I say “No” more often. Not in general, but when it’s needed the most.

I talked to my two best girlfriends who are the same age and we all got to the same point: we just can’t take some things and situations anymore. We just refuse to agree upon situations that hurt us – or accept people who want to take advantage of us. We were raised (probably because we were girls) to be polite and not to hurt anyone’s feelings. And that’s great, we turned out to be great human beings. But it’s time to finally say: “No”.

I was talking to my friends recently and I said – I just feel like everyone is trying to screw me over. I’m nice at work (I really am; I let people get away with a lot of things as a manager, because I’m trying to be considerate) and still they lie to me or don’t do their job. I’m nice to my roommate and she’s late (three weeks now!) with paying her rent the third month in a row – and this time she didn’t even say a word to warn me. I always try to work around things when my co-workers need a day off, and yet when I asked for one recently, they couldn’t do it for me. When something breaks in my apartment I ask my landlord to fix it and I’m patient, but I after a while I start sounding like a broken record – this is how many times I have to repeat my complaint, because he doesn’t do anything about that.

That’s it! I finally said – No, that’s fucking it! I’m done with agreeing on everything and putting up with all the crap people want to throw my way.

Why am I writing all of this? It’s not a complaint; I just honestly show you how things looks like now. And I want you to rethink a few things. It’s good to be nice to people; it really is. I still will be helpful and will try to make people’s lives easier, but…. Exactly, there is BUT – I will never let people run over me again. Never. Again.

I finally realized that it’s only up to me how I will be treated. I can let people do whatever they want and still be considered nice (read: naïve), or – and that’s my choice for the rest of my life – I will let them do it once, maybe even twice, but the third time around I will simply say: “Stop right there!” Because instead of being considered nice, I prefer to be seen as a person who values herself. Because it’s all about that – when you let people run over you, you just show them what you agree on and you set the level of respect they give you very, very low.

I told you about my situation, but I can bet that you have your own that bothers you just as acutely. Saying “No” is difficult…. but only at the beginning. Once you start doing it and you realize how amazing that feels, it will get easier and at some point it just gets natural. You won’t feel that squeeze in the stomach saying: “Will they still like me when I say No?” Nowadays, I’m more like: “Honey, I’m sorry, you can hate me, but it’s still ‘No’”.

How have I decided to solve my problems? I’m changing my apartment, because I don’t want to put up with all these repairs and roommates anymore – I just handed in my notice; both my landlord and my roommate got a month’s notice from me on the very same day (and on the same day I found a new apartment, better one, without a roommate). I’m changing my job, because I need to work with people who care about their jobs and about each other – I handed my notice this week, too.

But the main change is that I just refuse to agree on mediocre people and situations. I’m worth more than that. I really wish people well; I don’t gossip about people’s lives, I want them to succeed, I root for them, (especially women) to be in shape, have amazing partners and just the life they want. But from now on, I will put myself first, I won’t be a people pleaser just to be popular. I chose my happiness over their approval. And I hope I would inspire you to do the same. Love people, but love yourself more. 



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