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Step 37 – Don’t give up on this year yet
  We are in the middle of August and that means that over 7 months of this year are gone. But the good news is that 5 of them are still left. It’s almost half of the year! 5 months is roug...

10 Types of Most Annoying Subway People I See Every Day:
1.        First of all, I think that a person who gets on a train and keeps their backpack on (when it’s crowded) should be slapped in the face right away. What&rs...

Come For A Walk With Me, Part 2: Dumbo, Brooklyn Bridge Park
This is definitely one of my favorite walks in NY and it always makes me fall in love with NY again. Take the F train and get off at York St. station in Brooklyn. You’re in Dumbo now (I wrote ab...

Step 37 - How Can You Convince Someone To Change?
We all know this situation: someone is stuck with a wrong partner and you want them to finally end their nightmare, or someone is struggling with something (weight/ money problems/ family problems)....

Surfing
When I was a kid, I remember watching people surfing on TV (where else could I have watched them, growing up in Poland…?) and dreaming to be like them one day. Then, soon after I graduated, I...

Step 36 - Be a Doer
There is this great app ad on the subway that always makes me smile. It says: “In doers we trust”. And I always think the same thing: “Yes, it’s always up to the doers”...

My Four Years in NY
Four years in NY passed for me almost two months ago. Four years is a lot to live abroad. Every year I do a summary of what I’ve learned during yet another year. This past one was amazing, to ...

Step 35 - Get Yourself Motivated
I listened to an interesting interview some time ago, in which a girl from a small village asked what to do to get yourself motivated if you can’t motivate yourself and you don’t have pe...

Paul Nicklen Gallery
There is a lot of bad things to be said about social media, but I believe that when used it wisely, it’s a great tool overall. I followed a photographer, Chris Burkard (@chriburkard), on Instagr...

Step 34 - Transformation.
I just finished reading a book “Brave enough” by Cheryl Strayed, in which she says something that moved me: “Transformation doesn’t ask that you stop being you. It demands th...

When Is the Right Time To Say No To a Guy?
The great thing about getting older is that your brain keeps working better and better. You finally see certain connections occur and you don’t do as many stupid things that end up hurting you...

Step 33 - There is Nothing Between Me and Me
I can truly say that I love myself. Or maybe even that I’m in love with myself. And before you think or say that I’m shallow or narcissistic (which completely missed my point), I’l...

Step 37 - How Can You Convince Someone To Change?

added: 2017-08-07 , category: Transform Yourself

We all know this situation: someone is stuck with a wrong partner and you want them to finally end their nightmare, or someone is struggling with something (weight/ money problems/ family problems). You give them advice and… they just don’t listen. What can you do to convince them to change…? In fact, nothing. You can do absolutely nothing. And that’s the harsh truth. No matter how hard you try, how strong arguments you have, there is nothing you can do to change their opinion or behavior. They’re just not ready and you cannot make them ready by yourself. I’ve been there myself – I got great advice about my life situation and body that I wasn’t happy about and I just didn’t listen. It wasn’t because I thought the advice was stupid; it was simply because I wasn’t ready. I didn’t want to put the extra effort; I didn’t want to expose myself to something new, or – most importantly – I didn’t want to leave my comfort zone. And it’s the same with your friends or family. You can come up with great ideas, or even with an excellent, ready to use plan for them, but it won’t help. What you can do, then? You can still give them advice – if they ask for it – and move aside. Don’t push them, don’t try to convince them: just patiently wait. I’ve learnt that this is the best option.

But I also learnt one more thing – don’t let them ramble about the same thing over and over. You both know what’s wrong, you can listen to them once or twice. But if that person keeps coming back to the subject, not doing anything about that – you have to let it go and move aside. I’m not saying – stop talking to that person, but whenever they start talking about that again, just stop them saying that you guys went through that already and there is no point of talking about it again. Some of you would say that this is what friends do – they listen; yes, but I think what real friends do is tell you the truth, even if it’s painful. If your friends get offended because you expressed your feelings: I’m sorry, but you have to let it go. And if you are the one with a problem - don’t be selfish, because they’re your friends you shouldn’t waste their energy or time on something you’re not planning on changing in the first place.

Is there anything you can do? Yes: be an example and live according to the advice you give to others. It might inspire them to change, but this is all you can do. Forcing them to change their lives will give you a headache and it will probably turn them against you.

I love my friends, but I also care about myself and my brain hygiene. Going through the same problems over and over again is just wasting my energy and it is just making me worry about those things again. I’m your friend, and you can always count on me, but when I see that the common sense slips away in a big way – I’ll pass and patiently wait for it to get back on the right track. I’m this kind of friend who will not comfort you or tell you what you want to hear, because I simply believe that it’s not what good friends do. If you are a good friend, you’ll be honest and if the other side is a good friend – they would not get offended. This is my definition of friendship and I do have some friends who stick around with me for a while now so it may not be the worst method out there. 



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