Step 34 - Transformation.
I just finished reading a book “Brave enough” by Cheryl Strayed, in which she says something that moved me: “Transformation doesn’t ask that you stop being you. It demands that you find a way back to the authenticity and strengths that’s already inside of you. You only have to bloom”.
It’s a beautiful quote that underlines important things about the process of transformation. People somehow think that transformation means “becoming someone else” and that’s completely wrong. Transformation means that you finally become whom you always have been, deep inside you. It is not about change; I consider it more of a rebirth. I believe that transformation really happens when you come back to your “child state”; the one that you had as a small child before the awareness of this world and of the society’s rules took over your life.
But in order to get there, you’d have to enter a path that leads through really shitty things that you’re so afraid of. You would have to look deep inside you, process the things that hurt you and those that make you really, really uncomfortable. That’s why so many people prefer to stay within their comfort zone and never change anything. Because why would you want to go through that whereas you can sit in this comfortable armchair you’ve been sitting for many years now? It may be old and used already, but it’s familiar and safe. Why should you change that? I can’t answer this question for you. I can answer it for myself; I know why I needed to go through that. I just wanted to be the same free, unstoppable, no-boundaries-attached girl whom I was when I was 5 years old (I still have a video footage from that time and it always blows my mind).
And I just really wanted to get out of my own head. I wanted to stop overthinking things and connect with myself again. And I hadn’t done it for years. Yes, I was happy, but I felt that something was missing. And I’m not talking about this void that we are all try to fill up, I was really missing this true connection with my core, I didn’t know if I knew whom I was anymore. There are just too many distractions on regular basis that keep you away from yourself, especially when you live in NY. I felt like I was getting further and further away from myself – which is funny considering how many communication tools we have right now.
Maybe you don’t need the transformation; maybe you’re truly yourself and you’ve always been – good for you! I’m really happy for you. I know I’m getting there now, after all these years. And I can’t wait to become myself…again! But if you feel like you need to come back to your core, please, enter this path. It will change everything and it will make you feel light and alive. No, you won’t like it, but you will love the final effect.
Look at your photos from your childhood when you were 5-6 years old. Do you still recognize the child in the picture…? Can you feel it within?
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