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justlikeny@gmail.com

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Don’t judge by the chapter you walked into.
It’s a new year, so I want you to change one thing. I would say “we,” but I’ve already been working on it the last two years (not that I’ve mastered it yet). Don’...

Why Some Women Don’t Want to Have Kids (And Why the Reason Is Not What You Think It Is)
Yes, I want to write about it (again), because it bothers me. I recently realized I don’t want to have kids (now and maybe ever). And I realized how difficult it is for a woman not only to adm...

You’re Fine
2018 has been a very successful year for me, because I finally understand that I’m completely fine. I just look at myself and I finally see myself. It took me half my life to understand it, bu...

It’s Profound to Be Understood
As Whoopi Goldberg said in her book „If He Says: ‚You complete me’ — Run!”, which I’ve already written about on JLNY some time ago, people tend to mistake love fo...

You’re Always Becoming
Michelle Obama released her book memoir, „Becoming”, and I keep seeing it everywhere in NYC. I haven’t read it yet and now I really want to. Not because I consider Barack Obam...

Drop This Attitude
I just had my best friend Gosia visited me from Chicago a few weeks ago. We spent the whole weekend together excited about each other. We did a few activities, but what was the most important was th...

Is Your Partner’s Skin Color or Country of Origin Relevant At All?
I will answer the titular question right away: „I don’t think so”. And I’m pretty sure I am right. I honestly don’t understand this whole theory about having a partner ...

How To Get the Body You Want
Have you ever said to yourself: “I’m so fat”…? Or “I can’t even look at myself”…?. Or “I will never lose all this weight”…? Or &l...

Accept the challenge
Until now, my favorite sentence was always: “Hope he’ll change after we get married.” (Yeah,  sure, into a pumpkin…) But there is a new contender that I find equally ...

NY Love Story A.D. 2019
I don’t like romantic comedies. And I can tell you why. Once, it used to be my favorite genre, but I grew up since then (a bit). Also — I moved to NY. Romantic comedies just don’t ...

When Was the Last Time Your Journal Embarrassed You?
When was the last time you said to yourself: “This is embarrassing”, and you actually meant yourself…? Well, it just happened to me. I sat down to write about something else and I...

Why It’s Important To Not Look Like Shit
Here is my question: Why do you think it’s a good idea to look like shit at home? Some people put on their worst clothes at home - clothes with holes, stretched out, worn out, old and ugly. (B...

What Does It Mean To Be Successful? My Five Years In NYC

added: 2018-08-01 , category: Living in NY

It’s been five years since I decided to live in NY. These were five difficult years, and yet ones filled many amazing moments and great people I’ve met along the way. But five years is quite some time to achieve something. I believe that there are some people who would want to ask me: “Ok, so are you successful already?”. And I would answer: “Yes, I am”. But I don’t think they would even understand what I’m talking about.

If you looked at my bank account right now, there is nothing special there to see (yet). If you look at my so-called career – not much is going on in that department, either. Yes, I do various stuff, but I’m not yet where I want to be, so we can’t call it “a career”. I didn’t marry a rich guy and I don’t live in an expensive house, either. So: had I got all of these things, you would probably consider me a successful woman, right? But since I don’t have them, who am I in your eyes…?

I don’t know what you think of me. Not that I care, but in my opinion I’m very successful right now. And I can tell you why. I was able to survive five years in NY, with some help coming from my amazing friends – so there are two successful things in my life already. I live by myself and don’t have to worry about money for rent – another two things. I have a job that doesn’t stress me out at all and helps me meeting new people – another two things. I have friends who are not tired of me (yet) and a family that supports me – another two things. But most importantly – I don’t pretend that I’m someone else. I wake up in the morning, dress as I want to, barely put some make up on my face – and walk outside (at 6:00 AM) smiling. And at my work I just have to be myself – they hired me saying: “Just be Daga”. And that’s who I am. But it doesn’t matter where I am anymore – at work, at home, on the street, talking to my parents or friends, or to people I’ve just met – I’m just myself. I don’t do things I don’t like, I speak my mind, I’m open about what I like and what I don’t like. I’m honest about my desires and about the life I want to have. I’m not trying to fit in. I don’t crave anybody’s friendship or attention. I don’t feel the need to impress anyone. I don’t try to belong anywhere and I am far from wondering what’s your opinion on my life or my looks. I’m cured. I don’t try being someone else just to make other people happy (including my closest ones). I also stopped carrying the burden of “what life I was supposed to have”. And it’s a humongous success to me. I do belong to myself.

Every year I make a summary of another year living abroad. And I can honestly say that now, after five years, I finally got to the happiest place – I’m at peace with myself. It took me many difficult months, much hope and a whole lot of courage, but I finally got there. It was worth it; all this struggle was worth the place I got to right now. It’s the biggest success I could wish for myself. So next time when you think of “being successful”, think first what does that REALLY mean to you. What’s your definition of success? And if your answer is by any chance:  “Money”, I’d suggest you think again, and this time do it clearly for a change. For me, it’s simply being finally myself. And I believe that because of that, everything else will fall into the right place.

What would your successful life look like? Think carefully and start making a plan how you can get there.



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