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Don’t judge by the chapter you walked into.
It’s a new year, so I want you to change one thing. I would say “we,” but I’ve already been working on it the last two years (not that I’ve mastered it yet). Don’...

Why Some Women Don’t Want to Have Kids (And Why the Reason Is Not What You Think It Is)
Yes, I want to write about it (again), because it bothers me. I recently realized I don’t want to have kids (now and maybe ever). And I realized how difficult it is for a woman not only to adm...

You’re Fine
2018 has been a very successful year for me, because I finally understand that I’m completely fine. I just look at myself and I finally see myself. It took me half my life to understand it, bu...

It’s Profound to Be Understood
As Whoopi Goldberg said in her book „If He Says: ‚You complete me’ — Run!”, which I’ve already written about on JLNY some time ago, people tend to mistake love fo...

You’re Always Becoming
Michelle Obama released her book memoir, „Becoming”, and I keep seeing it everywhere in NYC. I haven’t read it yet and now I really want to. Not because I consider Barack Obam...

Drop This Attitude
I just had my best friend Gosia visited me from Chicago a few weeks ago. We spent the whole weekend together excited about each other. We did a few activities, but what was the most important was th...

Is Your Partner’s Skin Color or Country of Origin Relevant At All?
I will answer the titular question right away: „I don’t think so”. And I’m pretty sure I am right. I honestly don’t understand this whole theory about having a partner ...

How To Get the Body You Want
Have you ever said to yourself: “I’m so fat”…? Or “I can’t even look at myself”…?. Or “I will never lose all this weight”…? Or &l...

Accept the challenge
Until now, my favorite sentence was always: “Hope he’ll change after we get married.” (Yeah,  sure, into a pumpkin…) But there is a new contender that I find equally ...

NY Love Story A.D. 2019
I don’t like romantic comedies. And I can tell you why. Once, it used to be my favorite genre, but I grew up since then (a bit). Also — I moved to NY. Romantic comedies just don’t ...

When Was the Last Time Your Journal Embarrassed You?
When was the last time you said to yourself: “This is embarrassing”, and you actually meant yourself…? Well, it just happened to me. I sat down to write about something else and I...

Why It’s Important To Not Look Like Shit
Here is my question: Why do you think it’s a good idea to look like shit at home? Some people put on their worst clothes at home - clothes with holes, stretched out, worn out, old and ugly. (B...

When I know you’re not a New Yorker?

added: 2017-12-06 , category: Living in NY

 

I think I’m becoming an expert at recognizing real New Yorkers. What do I mean by that? I love watching people, taking notice of their behaviors and habits. That means I watch New Yorkers a lot. I got to coffee shops pretty often (by the way, someone should write some kind of analysis about New Yorkers’ coffee choices – it blows my mind what they’re coming up with), and I observe and listen. That’s why it makes me laugh when I see people outside of NY trying to mimic “being a New Yorker.” The major thing they’re trying to do is pretend to be “cool,” which basically means pretending like they don’t care. This feature I find to be the most accurate way to describe a New Yorker. We just really don’t care. And I don’t mean not caring about other people (we surprisingly do care), but not caring at all what others think of us

 


 

It’s especially visible in the outfits we put on. If we feel like putting sneakers on with a nice gown, we do it. If we feel like putting on a purple hat with a pink puffy coat, we just do it. Having an expensive coat will not stop us from pairing it with something cheap or dirty, or something that doesn’t look like a great fit. We want to put it on, and so we will. And that’s something I learned to do here, too. I’m not saying I wear dirty clothes now; I try to look decent or interesting, but my comfort comes first. When I have a day off, I’m dreaming of just putting on jeans and a large sweater (or a hoodie) that will cover everything. A baseball cap seems like a great addition to that outfit (I have to buy one, by the way), especially given that I usually go to a coffee shop. But I also might pair it with heels – why not? I don’t want to feel entirely like a bum. 

 


 

I see tourists, usually young girls (the older ones just wear sports outerwear coming to NY), who just want to be New Yorkers, and it doesn’t matter that they just got here. They usually think that wearing a hat will make them a New Yorker, or buying some fancy bag (and they’re thinking that Michaels Kors is the fanciest they can do) and walking in heels around Manhattan. First of all – if you put on heels, you’d better sit down. Manhattan is not made for walking in anything else but sneakers or UGGs. If you want to wear heels, make sure that someone will give you a ride to your destination, or that you can afford a cab. Remember – don’t walk more than a few blocks. It’s unhealthy. And it doesn’t look cool. Seeing you in this whole armor – a hat, fancy bag and heels – I would know instinctively that you don’t live here, girl. If you want to pretend that you’re a New Yorker, I have some advice – less is more. We love to feel comfortable. If you put a hat on – New Yorkers love hats – pair it with casual jacket (usually leather) and sneakers. If you want to have a fancy bag, don’t buy something that’s obvious or with a big logo on it – New Yorkers don’t like showing off like that. We buy good labels, but the label itself is barely visible. I’ve also noticed one more thing – many girls don’t wear a lot of make up (African-American girls wear a bit more)So don’t look like you just got a Sephora makeover, or you’ll look like you haven’t found your way back home yet after a night out. 

 


My main advice would probably be – don’t try too hard. When you do, you make it clear that you’re not from here. Because yes, New Yorkers are cool. That’s the greatest thing about them. They are cool, and so they let you be cool, too. They let you be whomever you want to be and wear whatever you want to wear at that moment. And this is what I mean by saying that they don’t care. My friend has this great expression that I love: “Don’t be so extra.” And that’s about right – don’t be so extra, girl. When you come to NY, just relax, put on what feels right (comfortable!) to you and chill out. This city is all about the feeling. Feel the city, let it carry you away. Loosen up, take a deep breath and be whomever you truly are, maybe for the first time in your life.



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