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Don’t judge by the chapter you walked into.
It’s a new year, so I want you to change one thing. I would say “we,” but I’ve already been working on it the last two years (not that I’ve mastered it yet). Don’...

Why Some Women Don’t Want to Have Kids (And Why the Reason Is Not What You Think It Is)
Yes, I want to write about it (again), because it bothers me. I recently realized I don’t want to have kids (now and maybe ever). And I realized how difficult it is for a woman not only to adm...

You’re Fine
2018 has been a very successful year for me, because I finally understand that I’m completely fine. I just look at myself and I finally see myself. It took me half my life to understand it, bu...

It’s Profound to Be Understood
As Whoopi Goldberg said in her book „If He Says: ‚You complete me’ — Run!”, which I’ve already written about on JLNY some time ago, people tend to mistake love fo...

You’re Always Becoming
Michelle Obama released her book memoir, „Becoming”, and I keep seeing it everywhere in NYC. I haven’t read it yet and now I really want to. Not because I consider Barack Obam...

Drop This Attitude
I just had my best friend Gosia visited me from Chicago a few weeks ago. We spent the whole weekend together excited about each other. We did a few activities, but what was the most important was th...

Is Your Partner’s Skin Color or Country of Origin Relevant At All?
I will answer the titular question right away: „I don’t think so”. And I’m pretty sure I am right. I honestly don’t understand this whole theory about having a partner ...

How To Get the Body You Want
Have you ever said to yourself: “I’m so fat”…? Or “I can’t even look at myself”…?. Or “I will never lose all this weight”…? Or &l...

Accept the challenge
Until now, my favorite sentence was always: “Hope he’ll change after we get married.” (Yeah,  sure, into a pumpkin…) But there is a new contender that I find equally ...

NY Love Story A.D. 2019
I don’t like romantic comedies. And I can tell you why. Once, it used to be my favorite genre, but I grew up since then (a bit). Also — I moved to NY. Romantic comedies just don’t ...

When Was the Last Time Your Journal Embarrassed You?
When was the last time you said to yourself: “This is embarrassing”, and you actually meant yourself…? Well, it just happened to me. I sat down to write about something else and I...

Why It’s Important To Not Look Like Shit
Here is my question: Why do you think it’s a good idea to look like shit at home? Some people put on their worst clothes at home - clothes with holes, stretched out, worn out, old and ugly. (B...

Super Single

added: 2017-10-31 , category: Living in NY

Photo by Janusz Tomczyk, www.wdkproductions.com

A few days ago, I first heard the term “super single” and my first thought was – what did they came up with this time…? Apparently, it‘s been used for a while now and I must say that even though I’m not sure about the “super single” term itself, I have to agree with the concept it represents.

I do believe we all are always looking for connection. And I do think that being with someone is better than being on your own (I think that; I’m not sure of it, though, because I’m not experienced in this subject). And even if you say you’re better off by yourself, I believe you wouldn’t mind a reasonable and caring partner next to you. Not just any partner, but a caring one: the one who gets you.

But the thing is – there are singles out there (like myself) who are also fine with the situation they are in right now. Our lives don’t revolve around the thought that “we have to find someone”. It’s on our list, yes, but it’s not our priority. I know that some of you don’t believe me, so I will not try to convince you (but just keep this thought in mind – and I wrote it on Just Like NY a few times already – just because you want something, it doesn’t mean I want it, too).

We’ve been by ourselves for so many years that we learned how to deal with everything. I not only make my own decisions, but also fix (well, call someone to fix) everything in my apartment, deal with all kinds of paperwork, with my job or apartment choices, paying my bills, trapping a stray mouse in my kitchen, repairing water damages in my bathroom, thinking about my business and planning my own future. I learned that everything is up to me. It’s very tiring sometimes (I don’t have someone who would take responsibility for my decisions), but sometimes it’s just amazing – you do what you want to do, you can decide on everything (including moving whenever you want to and spend money the way you want to). We don’t have regrets that we’re by ourselves, because it’s been always like that; we don’t even remember how it is to be with someone. We created our own world where we feel safe and comfortable. I love these moments when I finish work and it’s only up to me if I go to gym, or to the movies, come back home and eat ice cream while watching “Shark Tank”. This freedom is pretty addictive, at least for me. I don’t mind doing these activities with others, but I’m also happy doing them by myself (sometimes I even prefer doing them by myself).

It’s not that we would reject everyone now “because we want to be selfishly single”, but this is how our lives came to pass. I came to NY by myself and focused on surviving – plus I love writing and exploring NY and this is what I’ve been doing with my free time. I don’t go to clubs and get wasted looking for a guy; it’s just not me. I really don’t like online dating either – it’s not for me at all. I meet guys (of course I do! It’s NY!) in different places, online (on Instagram, imagine that!) or on the streets (they simply come up to me, lucky me!). I have these moments when I’m texting with someone – yes, that’s nice, but when they disappear (maybe I don’t try hard enough to keep them?), my life comes back to where it was. I don’t cry that they’re gone; it was fun, but apparently this is how long they were supposed to be in my life (sometimes it’s a few days, a few weeks – or a few months).

I don’t know which way is better: being by myself is the only way I know. I want to be with someone just to see which way I’d prefer more. Maybe having someone’s support would make my life easier. Or maybe not. I will find out when the right man comes. And by the right man, I mean a guy who brings some extra value into my life. If I feel the same with or without him, I’d probably choose to stay by myself. Because it’s how I learned to live and it’s what makes me happy. And my happiness is definitely a priority on my list. 



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