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justlikeny@gmail.com

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Don’t judge by the chapter you walked into.
It’s a new year, so I want you to change one thing. I would say “we,” but I’ve already been working on it the last two years (not that I’ve mastered it yet). Don’...

Why Some Women Don’t Want to Have Kids (And Why the Reason Is Not What You Think It Is)
Yes, I want to write about it (again), because it bothers me. I recently realized I don’t want to have kids (now and maybe ever). And I realized how difficult it is for a woman not only to adm...

You’re Fine
2018 has been a very successful year for me, because I finally understand that I’m completely fine. I just look at myself and I finally see myself. It took me half my life to understand it, bu...

It’s Profound to Be Understood
As Whoopi Goldberg said in her book „If He Says: ‚You complete me’ — Run!”, which I’ve already written about on JLNY some time ago, people tend to mistake love fo...

You’re Always Becoming
Michelle Obama released her book memoir, „Becoming”, and I keep seeing it everywhere in NYC. I haven’t read it yet and now I really want to. Not because I consider Barack Obam...

Drop This Attitude
I just had my best friend Gosia visited me from Chicago a few weeks ago. We spent the whole weekend together excited about each other. We did a few activities, but what was the most important was th...

Is Your Partner’s Skin Color or Country of Origin Relevant At All?
I will answer the titular question right away: „I don’t think so”. And I’m pretty sure I am right. I honestly don’t understand this whole theory about having a partner ...

How To Get the Body You Want
Have you ever said to yourself: “I’m so fat”…? Or “I can’t even look at myself”…?. Or “I will never lose all this weight”…? Or &l...

Accept the challenge
Until now, my favorite sentence was always: “Hope he’ll change after we get married.” (Yeah,  sure, into a pumpkin…) But there is a new contender that I find equally ...

NY Love Story A.D. 2019
I don’t like romantic comedies. And I can tell you why. Once, it used to be my favorite genre, but I grew up since then (a bit). Also — I moved to NY. Romantic comedies just don’t ...

When Was the Last Time Your Journal Embarrassed You?
When was the last time you said to yourself: “This is embarrassing”, and you actually meant yourself…? Well, it just happened to me. I sat down to write about something else and I...

Why It’s Important To Not Look Like Shit
Here is my question: Why do you think it’s a good idea to look like shit at home? Some people put on their worst clothes at home - clothes with holes, stretched out, worn out, old and ugly. (B...

Birthday

added: 2017-09-12 , category: Living in NY

35 years ago, a miracle happened and I came into this world. And everything changed. I’m kidding. Nothing changed, except for the fact that the world got a bit confused.

When I was a little girl, I thought that at 35 you’re already an adult and you have a stable life. Well, some people at my age clearly do have it, but that’s not the case with me. My life is not only not stable, but what’s even weirder, I don’t feel like I want it to settle down. The only thing I’m thinking about when I wake up is how to finally surf in Hawaii and afford the life I want to have – living in a nice neighborhood, in a nice apartment and travel around the world (also with my family).  There are a few bigger things on my mind too, but I’ll write about them at another time.

As my birthday arrived, I had a few thoughts going through my head.

First of all: I’ve never felt quite like I feel today. I feel like… a blank page. By that I do not mean that I feel stupid. Quite the opposite; I feel like a blank page in a positive sense – I’ve never been as open as I am now (OK, I can act a bit stupid at times, too). I’m open to whatever life brings me; I don’t restrict myself anymore. I thought I knew what I wanted and I just realized (a week before my birthday) that I didn’t know all that much. I finally feel free in a sense that I allow things to come into my life. I promised myself to say “Yes” more often – and I don’t project things that probably don’t even exist. Life is so much more than that. You might think that you have everything figured out and it suddenly surprises you with something. And – on the other end – you think that some things are difficult, but they’re in fact not . You make them difficult by overthinking and by being trapped in your own mind.  

My second thought is – just live in the present. So far, I always lived in the future, worrying about the next year etc., but the last few months I’ve been really trying to focus on the now. When you think of it – all you really have is the now. You spend countless hours worrying about the upcoming months, forgetting that you really have only today – and only today matters. Some of you keep coming back to the past like there was any sense in doing that. The past is already gone; you can’t change it. Accept it and move on, because you’re just wasting your time. What are you looking for out there? Focusing on the future or on the past distracts you from living in the present – and only living in a present makes any sense for you and for your loved ones.

The third thought is – you can get what you want; it’s only a matter of believing in it. If you don’t believe you deserve something (a great body, job, boyfriend, money, family), you won’t have it. It’s that simple. So instead of throwing yourself in a negative state all the time, maybe – just for a change – start visualizing  a better future for yourself? What do you have to lose? Seeing yourself in bright colors will not hurt you; it can only make things better. Try it for a few weeks and see what happens. You have beaten yourself up enough already – it’s time to stop. Just have more faith in yourself.

And the fourth thought – the most important one. You have to be only two things: grateful and kind. Be grateful for the next day and for everything you have. Even if you think it’s too little, it’s still enough. Do you believe me? Also: be kind. Treat people the way you yourself would want to be treated, because you never know what they’re going through in their lives now. So back off a bit.

And this is how I enter my next year – open, living in present, seeing my future as very bright, grateful and kind to others. And I think all that will put me in a great state for another 35 years, at the very least.  



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