We got this whole dating thing wrong.
I’m not much of a dating girl. I’ve been on a few dates this year, and I liked it, but I also understood something I haven’t realized up to now – that we got this whole dating thing wrong.
I think that most of us forgot to enjoy it. We treat it way too seriously. We interview our dates on the first meeting; we try to get all the information – job, “plans for the future,” and past relationships. Sometimes we do treat every new person as marriage material, don’t we? And some of us don’t even want to get married! So why do we act as we do?
We forget that the most important thing is to feel good and uplifted around this new person. Dating should be fun – the fun of getting to know someone new, discovering things about each other, inspire each other, and figuring out if we are a good match. It should be an exciting time! A time filled with joy, laughter, and pleasure. And when it still feels good after some time and when your values go along each other, decide to be exclusive; go on a higher level. But don’t put too much pressure on another person. Don’t try to get all the answers and create this imaginary relationship vision in your head. We’re way more complicated than that, and you won’t be able to know everything, I promise you that.
One of the weirdest things we do is to decide to be with someone and fully dedicate ourselves after a few dates. When you think of that – isn’t that pretty insane? Yes, there are stories of people who went on a few dates and lived happily ever after, but let’s be real – that barely happens. Why do you decide to be with someone whom you just met? Everyone is terrific after a few meetings. We’re on our best behavior, and we act as we are an Oscar contestant. He is a gentleman, she is this sweet girl; he is ambitious with an excellent vision for himself, she is caring and warm; he is attentive, she is charming, but sexy at the same time…etc. It’s one beautiful act.
Why don’t you just be yourself, say who you are, and save each other future disappointments? Hang out, spend time with each other, but don’t make him/her your husband/wife right away. Get to know each other first. You don’t have to decide to be with each other, not even after a few months. Why do you rush into it? Why do you have to call him/her boyfriend/girlfriend within a month or two?
I’m not saying – date him/her and date others at the same time (or sleep around), but just give it some time. As I said in my previous post – it takes a few weeks or months to understand what’s the other person about. It takes several situations (and spending many days – not hours – in a row with each other) to see the other person’s true colors. Of course, you would not know everything, but you can get the essence and see how “your future partner” reacts in different situations.
As I said – people show you who they are, but you have to give them a chance to show you. If you dive full in from the beginning, and – what’s worst – fall in love right away, your reality check is blurry. You unconsciously put the blinders on, and it would take you a lot of time to look through them. Instead of wasting your time with a wrong person, do yourself a favor and just extend this getting to know each other process. Dating is not a race, so why do you act as you have to get to the finish line first?