When people show you who they are, believe them.
„When people show you who they are, believe them.” I wish someone gave me this advice many years ago. It would save me a lot of disappointments and a lot of time. I want you to hear me out and implement this advice into your life.
I’m all about growth and change, and I do believe that people can change their mindset, and I will always encourage everyone to work on better standards for themselves because it genuinely improves your life.
But there is also something else pretty difficult for me to admit. We can shift our mindset and become more „us,” the person we were set out to be, but our core doesn’t change.
If you weren’t ambitious your whole life, you suddenly wouldn’t become ambitious. If you like to spend time at home, you won’t suddenly be an outgoing person. If you want to work a lot and you regularly schedule new projects for yourself, the chances that you slow down and be satisfied with only one thing, are meager. If your new interest is always on the go, passionate about their job, not having time for you, the chances that you would suddenly spend many evenings with each other, are minimal.
That goes for more profound things too. If someone is cheating on you from the beginning, they will probably continue doing it throughout your relationship. If someone hits you, yells at you, and disrespects you – don’t expect anything different from them.
And there are thousands of other examples. Is he is messy; he won’t become an OCD person. If he continually forgets stuff, they will always forget stuff; if he promises you things and never follows through, he probably never will.
What I’m trying to say – our essence doesn’t change. I’ve seen too many examples of that, and I think that we won’t become someone we have never been. It’s not impossible, but it usually doesn’t happen. It requires a lot of work (A LOT OF WORK,) and many people don’t want to put that work; it’s too difficult and makes them feel uncomfortable.
I beg you – when you meet someone new, observe them because people show you who they are right away. And when they do, believe them. And act accordingly. Don’t expect them to change; don’t demand a change from them. You do have to accept them as they are. And if you don’t accept them, decide if you want to be around them. Don’t fool yourself that something will change. It won’t. And if it does, it’s usually for the worse.
I also want to encourage you to be honest about who you are and what kind of life you see for yourself. Don’t pretend that you are ok with the things you are not ok with. Don’t act like you want certain things if you do not. Be very clear about it. And yes, I know we have to compromise, but remember – the core doesn’t change. So if someone is not even close to your way of living, if someone does something that annoys the hell out of you, ask yourself if it’s worth it. I don’t think it is. As I said in my previous post – there are thousands of people out there for you, and I know that there is someone who matches you better than the person you’re not happy with.
Don’t be a victim of your fears and have the courage to walk away if your relationship doesn’t serve you.