Does he thank you for cleaning after yourself?
There was this article that has been keeping coming back to me, and since it’s always on my mind, I know it’s a sign I should write about it.
The article in the Huffington Post was about a couple – a woman divorced a guy because…he didn’t put his glass away, and she had to clean it after him. For many of you, this might seem like an outrageous reason – to divorce someone over a glass. It looks like that, but I don’t think it is.
When you look closer, especially from a woman’s perspective, you’d understand that it wasn’t only about that glass (it never is); arguments, as we all know, are rarely about what we say they are about.
It wasn’t about the glass, it was about respect – she asked him to clean after himself, and he didn’t do it. That means she always ended up doing that for him. And if you keep insisting that „it was only a glass” I would have to ask you: Why she is the one who has to clean it? Why a grown-up man can’t clean after himself?
I recently heard a woman saying: „Every time my partner „helps me cleaning” I say thank you and tell him I appreciate it.” And I swear, I don’t get it. What does it mean that „he helps cleaning? Here comes my question: Does he thank you for cleaning after yourself? What does he say when you wash your own dishes? Does he acknowledge it and appreciate it? Does he thank you for cleaning the apartment? I really doubt it (the majority doesn’t, and I can bet on it). He doesn’t thank you for doing this, because it’s NORMAL that you would clean after yourself, because you’re AN ADULT. He is an adult too. You’re partners, maybe even spouses, you „don’t play home,” you’ve built your home together. There are two of you. There isn’t only one of you who should do all the work.
Ok, let’s say you have a deal that he is the family breeder and you stay at home. First of all – it doesn’t mean that you don’t work!!! You work hard to maintain all of that. Second of all – it doesn’t mean that you’re his servant! Yes, you clean the house, take care of kids, cook, do laundry (girl, that’s a lot), but when he finishes his food/drink, when he changes his clothes – he’s a fucking grown-up man, and he should clean after himself! It doesn’t matter that he worked the whole day. You did, too! Don’t be his server. And what’s the most important – don’t be his mom.
The problem is that we’re raised that „a girl cleans.” Wtf?! I was raised that way too. Sometimes I even had to vacuum my brother’s room! What the hell? No, it’s not normal. Girls are raised as they have some kind of abnormal abilities for cleaning. A boy can clean after himself as good as I can. Living together it’s not some sort of a game, it’s real life, and you’re part of it. No mommy would do everything for you anymore (Btw – why mothers do that to their sons? That should be a subject of my next post). Who do you think you are? Grow up. Did you want to have a wife, kids, dogs/cats? So work on that. It’s not only your partner’s duty. You’re equally responsible for that. That exactly means being a man.
As I said, there are different arrangments in the household, I get it, but I have to speak to women here: Don’t be stupid. Don’t think you HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING. Our mothers always felt that they have to do everything and how that did end up? They’re complaining and were always tired, not to mention that they gave up on their things and dreams because they’re always cleaning around us! There are two of you at your household. Is he tired? So are you! Set the rules, be honest, and talk about it. It’s not your duty to clean after him, he’s not your child. He should do it by himself, and clean after kids too. It’s not only your responsibility.
If he doesn’t thank you that you clean after yourself, why do you thank him? Why do you feel obligated to clean after your partner? A word „partner” means something.
I don’t want you to end up unhappy, miserable, and unappreciated. Not to mention that at some point, you would just feel like you have an extra kid at your home. Did you want to marry your kid? Probably not. So that’s why you would want to divorce him.