Double Standard – Why Are Women Treated Differently?
I had a situation that I wrote about on Facebook, but I want to write more about it because there is more to it.
There was a guy, a customer of mine who I had met maybe three times, who came in one day and suddenly started saying that women in NY are demanding and asking me where specifically I plan to meet guys. When I said maybe at work or at the gym, he asked me out of the blue why I wouldn’t go out with him. He caught me by surprise – he knew I was single and open to dating, so I couldn’t suddenly say, “I’m busy” or “I don’t want a guy in my life.” I said no, and when he asked me why I was so brutally honest, I said that I had to feel something towards a guy to go out with him (any kind of interest, desire, curiosity) and that in his case I didn’t feel any of those things. I added that I like younger guys (which is true, but it doesn’t mean I don’t like older guys, too). This apparently offended him, and he said that I want a “boy-toy,” that I want to be a “cougar” and that I want to “pay his way.”
This was all hilarious to me at the time – it wasn’t my problem that he got offended – but then I started thinking. I realized that every time I say that I like younger guys or that I’m not sure if I’m actually looking for anyone and want to take advantage of living in NY (an ocean of beautiful guys), I get attacked by men. These men are always older than me (the one who asked me out is 18 years my senior!), they themselves are looking for a younger girl and are still single. And when I, not a twenty-something year old girl, but a thirty-something year woman, say something like that, they just find me naïve for thinking I can find someone like that! That’s offensive! And that’s what I call a double standard! I’m in good shape, I’m pretty and I’m smart – why the fuck do they think I can’t have whomever I want to have? I have as much of a chance as they have and as the younger girls have. There are guys who like older women, there are guys who like younger women (and for whom I’m the younger one), there are guys who would trade my youthful approach to life over a grumpy approach that some younger girls have. There are simply no rules for that! There are no rules for attraction, love, desire and relationships.
Sometimes I’ll see a couple and wonder – how did it happen? This is how it happened – attraction doesn’t have a specific target, it doesn’t have a pattern that you can follow. Sometimes I’m surprised by whom I’m attracted to (and it’s not always a hot blond surfer). There is no one “symbol of beauty” – everyone is looking for something different. That’s why you’re often surprised by some couples you see. She/he might not be the most attractive person in the world, but for some reason is the person to this girl/guy, just because they have something they’re looking for. For me, confidence is what makes me interested (face not that much, although I do like pretty faces), and what turns me off is stupidity – no matter how hot you are, if you’re stupid we’re done. I would NEVER let anyone doubt my value or my attractiveness just because of my age! What century do you think we live in? If you’re not married by 30, that’s it for you? Oh boy, you’d be surprised how many looks I get from guys (of all different ages). I would bet money that if I went to a bar tonight, I could leave with a guy (a younger one, too) if I wanted to. It’s really not that complicated. I’m sitting in a coffee shop/restaurant in Brooklyn right now and I’ve already exchanged a few looks with some guys.
Women, believe me – it’s not about your age so PLEASE don’t ever let any guy bash you because of it. The truth is that you can have whomever you want to have – if they’re looking for something you have. If you get turned down, it’s not because you’re not good enough or slim enough (90% of women would think it’s because of their body), it’s just because he was looking for someone different (he might even end up with someone bigger than or not as pretty as you). And it’s also not because you’re too old and you’re not in your twenties anymore. That’s bullshit. This is how men put down women, and I’m so sick of this double standard. I live in NY – the capital of “be who you want to be” – and it still happens! But I won’t be silent anymore. I’m ready to fight back and make a guy feel embarrassed and ashamed (I’m capable of doing it). Watch me.