Step 54 – Do You Have A Choice?
I believe I have already written about what I am about to say in this post, but I’ll be coming back to the subject because it’s really important. I notice more and more often that we get trapped in the phrase: “If only I had *this*, I would be happy…”. I used to think along those lines, too, until… I changed my mind. To be specific: until I switched my focus. I can honestly say that I’m very happy right now (even though I haven’t seen my family in more than a couple of years and my job situation is not certain at the moment). I’m happy despite the fact that I don’t have everything I want and my apartment is not quite arranged yet (my friend just gave me his desk! yay!). My money situation is not great (yet), I’m single (which isn’t a problem for me, but seems like a problem to some people) and still… I wake up with a smile. The only things I have are: my vision about the life I want to have, my mission I want to accomplish, and my friends’ support. And that’s it. And that’s enough. When you think of it – it’s a lot already. And this is how I decided to look at my life – focus on what I have and where I am going, instead of what I’m missing right now.
I don’t want to disappoint you, but you will never get to a point in your life in which you’d have everything you want. When you’re single, you think that you’d be happier in a relationship; when you have a partner, you miss that “single freedom to do what you want”; when you have a stable life, you dream of adventures – and when you’re on the road all the time, you want to finally settle down and have your own apartment. When you finally make your mythical “first million”, you want the second one; when you finally get the job with the salary that satisfies you, you realize you want to make more, or you just simply want to work for yourself. THIS THING NEVER ENDS.
Life is designed to make you want more; your brain is designed to constantly crave and give you a hard time. So if you think that there is a day when you’ll feel completely fulfilled, you’re wrong. Forget about it. Fulfillment comes in small doses, in everyday life. It appears in the disguise of a slow morning with your favorite breakfast; as a great conversation with someone you like or just met; as beautiful sunshine; as flowers, you pass by on a street. Fulfillment is everywhere, but it’s up to you to notice it. I would say it one more time – I’m not delusional, I’m not naïve, I have difficult days too, but I CHOOSE not to focus on them. I treat them as my lessons and am always thinking – what’s there to learn for me? I NEVER think – Oh, I’m miserable, why does it always happen to me? It’s so stupid and so self-centered to think it only happens to YOU. Get over yourself; it happens to everyone. I’m sorry, but you’re not special. Do you have a problem? So do other people. Everyone has “a situation”, everyone has something to struggle with. And everyone has the same choice – what to focus on? I don’t agree with a statement “I don’t have a choice” (it used to be my statement, now I see how wrong I was). Sit down and think of it, if you’re honest with yourself, you’ll admit that there is always a choice. I don’t say it’s easy, I don’t say it won’t hurt (you or someone you love), but it’s there. It’s not that you don’t have a choice; it’s more that you don’t want to deal with its consequences. Every choice brings a change, and this is what you unconsciously are afraid of. Not making a choice leaves you in a “change free” environment. It doesn’t make you happy, that’s for sure, but at least you don’t have to deal with a new reality. Does it improve your life? Not at all: it comforts you and confirms what you always have thought (“I didn’t have a choice”). And I want to encourage you not only to make the move but to see a larger picture that is there. If You CHOOSE not to see it, at least don’t say that it wasn’t there in the first place. It was there, you just chose not to take the action that was needed. It’s your turn this time – just as it always has been.