35 years ago, a miracle happened and I came into this world. And everything changed. I’m kidding. Nothing changed, except for the fact that the world got a bit confused.
When I was a little girl, I thought that at 35 you’re already an adult and you have a stable life. Well, some people at my age clearly do have it, but that’s not the case with me. My life is not only not stable, but what’s even weirder, I don’t feel like I want it to settle down. The only thing I’m thinking about when I wake up is how to finally surf in Hawaii and afford the life I want to have – living in a nice neighborhood, in a nice apartment and travel around the world (also with my family). There are a few bigger things on my mind too, but I’ll write about them at another time.
As my birthday arrived, I had a few thoughts going through my head.
First of all: I’ve never felt quite like I feel today. I feel like… a blank page. I do not mean that I feel stupid. Quite the opposite; I feel like a blank page in a positive sense – I’ve never been as open as I am now (OK, I can act a bit stupid at times, too). I’m open to whatever life brings me; I don’t restrict myself anymore. I thought I knew what I wanted and I just realized (a week before my birthday) that I didn’t know all that much. I finally feel free in a sense that I allow things to come into my life. I promised myself to say “Yes” more often – and I don’t project things that probably don’t even exist. Life is so much more than that. You might think that you have everything figured out and it suddenly surprises you with something. And – on the other end – you think that some things are difficult, but they’re in fact not. You make them difficult by overthinking and by being trapped in your own mind.
My second thought is – just live in the present. So far, I always lived in the future, worrying about the next year etc., but the last few months I’ve been trying to focus on the now. When you think of it – all you really have is the now. You spend countless hours worrying about the upcoming months, forgetting that you have only today – and only today matters. Some of you keep coming back to the past like there was any sense in doing that. The past is already gone; you can’t change it. Accept it and move on, because you’re just wasting your time. What are you looking for out there? Focusing on the future or on the past distracts you from living in the present – and only living in a present makes any sense for you and for your loved ones.
The third thought is – you can get what you want; it’s only a matter of believing in it. If you don’t believe you deserve something (a great body, job, boyfriend, money, family), you won’t have it. It’s that simple. So instead of throwing yourself in a negative state all the time, maybe – just for a change – start visualizing a better future for yourself? What do you have to lose? Seeing yourself in bright colors will not hurt you; it can only make things better. Try it for a few weeks and see what happens. You have beaten yourself up enough already – it’s time to stop. Just have more faith in yourself.
And the fourth thought – the most important one. You have to be only two things: grateful and kind. Be grateful for the next day and for everything you have. Even if you think it’s too little, it’s still enough. Do you believe me? Also: be kind. Treat people the way you yourself would want to be treated because you never know what they’re going through in their lives now. So back off a bit.
And this is how I enter my next year – open, living in present, seeing my future as very bright, grateful and kind to others. And I think all that will put me in a great state for another 35 years, at the very least.