My recent California trip helped me to realize a lot of things. But the most important things started happening in my head while I was still there.
It blows my mind how we restrict ourselves. We don’t even need any kind of threat, danger, or a higher power – we put limitations on ourselves on our own, without even realizing it. I was lucky enough that I have traveled a lot with my parents back in the day. I’ve been fortunate enough to visit many countries, but once I saw NY, I thought that it was for me (that happened on my second visit here, to be exact). I fell in love with NY energy and with the vibe of the unknown the city’s five boroughs are full of. I’ve been in love for 8 years already, and I thought nothing can beat this city – and that I would want to stay here forever. It felt amazing to finally find my place on Earth, but I also felt sad that my journey had finished. This is what I thought at that time. A few days before leaving to Cali, I felt familiar butterflies flying all over my body and I knew something was about to happen.
And I was right – I know myself already, I learned to listen to my body and signs it’s giving me. I knew that something would change. California was everything I expected it to be – it looks exactly like in the movies and in the pictures. Palm trees are everywhere. There is something in the air there that is difficult to describe. I felt the same kind of freedom I feel in NY, but not surrounded by concrete. I’m not saying I want to leave NY, or I want to move to Cali right away. But I’m also not saying that I will stay in NY forever anymore. Because what I understood was that we can choose whenever we want to live and we don’t have to put a date on it. Now I’m here… but who knows where I will be in 2-3 years? I will probably be in California, but it doesn’t mean that I’d stay there forever. I might stay there for a few months or years and move on. Maybe I will be back to NY. Or move to Hawaii. Because why not? I’m single, I have no kids, why would I limit myself to one place only? Having a family doesn’t mean you can’t do it either, but it’ll be more challenging. Even if you bought an apartment or a house, it doesn’t mean you have to stay at that place for the rest of your life. We live in a fascinating world and we seem not to notice that. There are too many amazing places in this world and staying in just one for your entire life might feel like a bit of a loss. How would you know that you wouldn’t be happier in a different place if you haven’t even tried it? I don’t like the statements we all like to repeat: “I’d never…”, “I don’t see myself there”, “I belong here”… How do you know, if you haven’t even tried to live in a different place?
I’m so happy I went there and realized that there is so much more to this world that we imagine. That there are places that make you feel like home even though it’s your first visit there.
I discovered that I’d be fine everywhere. The world is not that scary overall. I survived 4 years in NY, in the environment I never thought I would end up at and I’m not afraid anymore. And I don’t want to limit myself to one place only. You don’t know where you belong to until you give yourself a chance to try. Yes, it’s scary, but it’s also extremely liberating at the same time. And I love this feeling and this is probably what I live for.