The Types You Meet at a NY Beach

Practically every time I go to the NY beach (the one closest to me is Brighton Beach in Brooklyn), I meet the same set of human types.

1.       Music Lover. The proud owner of a boom box, blasting his favorite music. Only yesterday I saw three groups like that – one consisted of five guys in baseball hats, loose pants and white T-shirts (typical Brooklyn style). They were listening to hip-hop, so even I started to rock to the beat. There was also a couple in their fifties, cuddling to a country and romantic ballads, plus a group of teenagers listening to some kind of crackling noise. All of those folks felt comfortable with their music and none gave a second thought to whether the others are comfortable with their playlists.

2.       Party Sisters. A group of black girls, who are always loud and always start to dance at some point (usually they, too, listen to music). They’re always smiling, always in a good mood, always ready to have some fun. I tend to sit far away from them since I know at some point they will become really loud.

3.       Eye-Candy. Two or three guys with impeccable bodies (usually Latinos). They look as if they have spent the last year at the gym, pumping iron 24/7. Their six-packs glow from afar – also because they usually stand and present themselves in all possible directions. My strategy: I put on my shades and pretend I’m not looking.

4.       The Jocks. They bring a volleyball, a football, a frisbee and they decide to play real close to the blissfully unaware people sunbathing on their towels (myself included). Weirdly enough, they play nearer and nearer to you, and you pretend like you are not afraid you’re about to get hit over the head with their ball. My strategy: I quickly rehearse the phrase “Don’t worry! It’s nothing! I’m not in pain at all!”.

5.       The Obligatory Pot-Smoker. I am not exaggerating: in NY, I smell weed more often than I do cigarettes. Same goes for the beach here. It’s my true NY nightmare.

6.       The Watchers. Groups of guys sunbathing in their shades and pretending they are not looking at the girls. Plus: groups of girls bending over, laughing aloud and pretending they don’t know they’re being closely watched by the guys. But that, I believe, is the standard at any beach in the world.